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Tuesday, July 31, 2012

REINCARNATION? FAUGH. You all know that I'm something of a dabbler in scripture. One of my favorites is the ancient Hindu text, "The Dhaabadhaabadhoorata," which is all about karma and reincarnation. The literal translation of the title is "Shortcuts." Why I like it so much. Mostly Hindus aren't big on shortcuts. They tend to take the long view. But the Dhaabadhaabadhoorata is sort of the chutes and ladders version of the whole reincarnation thing. Which, if you look at it, makes quite a bit of sense.

The animals who have the best chance of becoming human the next time around are the animals who spend the most time around humans, namely dogs, cats, hamsters, and to a lesser extent horses. Turns out that the fastest route to humanity is for hero Golden Retrievers. When they die, they are fast-tracked to become big dumb swimmers. Pretty much the same deal for hero Black Labs, thus explaining Missy Franklin ("Awesome.")

Actually, that's a template. Dogs (and cats, etc) on the path to humanity almost always incarnate as great athletes, since dogs are so much more physically adept than we are. It eases the transition. If a Sheltie were suddenly to become Albert Einstein, all hell could break loose. Which is why that particular karmic mistake won't be repeated. It's all in the Dhaabadhaabadhoorata.

My challenge to all of you -- Study the Olympians and identify the karmic fast-trackers and what species and breed they came from. I'll handle the graphic requirement unless you have the perfect one.

Final thought. NBC, quit talking about the size of Missy Franklin's feet. It's rude. Big feet help Black Labs swim. It's natural. And it's also awesome.

For the sci-fi millennial crowd, I'm talking about having some fun. You can find an entry for it in the Urban Dictionary. I think.

BREASTS!. How many ways is this total crap? A lot. Let me start by saying women are nuts when it comes to breasts and breastfeeding.Their own worst enemy. Before attacking Bloomberg, they all have to check the dutiful breastfeeding is best block, which gives the old pervert more power than anyone should have. (I've been listening to Laura Ingraham, who's never breastfed anyone but a man. All her kids are adopted. But she checked the checkbox too...)

Wake up, girls. Wake up, guys. When the word breast is included, the subject is not about feeding. It's about breasts. Almost everything always and everywhere is about breasts. Men are obsessed, and women are flat fucking crazy on the subject.

Something the government should stay out of. Forever.Women want to display their breasts. Men want to see them. Breastfeeding is a way for women to display their breasts without seemig a slut. Men are uncomfortable wih breastfeeding in publc because they're seeing breasts and nipples and milk, by women who are not nominally advertising their wares, which makes them nuts. They have to stare and they don't want the temptation.

Enter Michael Bloomberg. The man who wants to control all the breasts in his city. Does he also want a constant CCTV feed to his private lavatory? Sick.

There are many reasons for NOT breastfeeding, all stupid women aside. Men continually seek to control women, which (incidentally) can't be done. Why most men are ruled by their post menopausal wives. (Bloomberg?) The Libs gave away their biggest power chip when they sided with women who wanted the unique right to levy death on a human life via abortion. What have they done since? They have made pregnancy a gauntlet of virtue. no drugs, no alcohol, no lost days at work either. Women are now expected to be fucking angels when they're with child. Abortion seems like a great idea in this context.

But they didn't stop there, did they? After nine months of no venal sins, they now insist that motherhood also requires showing us all their breasts and chapped nipples, which also means the nine months of abstemiousness is now three years plus, because if you're going to have a fucking baby you better be a saint: no drugs, no alcohol, no fun. Because your tit's got to be pure for your kid... NOW compete with us, cunts.

The saddest thing? Women are somehow handcuffed in responding. A lot of us grew up on formula. Still alive, getting old, and suffering from fewer ailments than today's fragile kids. It's all just a story that's being peddled by people who are still trying to control women, which as we've seen never works anyway. Or is this their ultimate Achilles heel? Revealed at last by feminist man-haters? Irony even whats-her-name might appreciate.

Women are NOT angels. Maybe they can go nine months without a glass of wine. There's no reason to insist that they go several more years in the same vein. No evidence whatever that they can. Do the study, lib wonder men. Is formula really a negative compared to breastfeeding women who are doing crack, meth, tequila, and (gasp) bacon on a regular basis?

I have an alternative strategy to propose. All women should show us their breasts on a regular basis. It should be like casual Fridays. Mammary Mondays, I think. Something to get us back to work with a will to work. Women would love it. Men would love it. And breastfeeding would cease to be a political issue. If you want to, do it. If you don't, well then don't.

And get the government out of the way. Unless maybe it's time to put Bloomberg in prison for a good long time. Which I could support.

I wasn't going to include this picture. I was trying to be serious. Then I realized men wouldn't read it, especially not Michael Bloomberg, who wants to see lactating breasts wherever he travels in his fiefdom. So, look at the pic and tell me that what women pretend -- that all the sexuality of the female breast vanishes when she's feeding the kid in a corner at Barnes & Noble -- is utter nonsense.


A breast is a breast is a, well, tit. We all know it. Except, apparently, the old asshole who calls himself the mayor of New York City. One more reason to lock him up.

And guess what? If you don't want to breastfeed your child, you shouldn't have to. This is America. I'm thinking a few golds will be won by formula babies. Prove me wrong. But show me the evidence...

Monday, July 30, 2012

PANDEMONIUM? London 2012. Egad.

I was going to respond to Lake's Last Word, but DRV beat me to the punch, as did Lake himself in his last-last comment. Here's what I'd started but didn't finish:


That's where I stopped. Feel free to add to my arithmetic of totalitarianism.

Which brings me to the London Olympics. It's a travesty on so many levels. As the opening ceremonies proved, the U.K. has forgotten its own history. All it can remember of the character that made the British Empire is sixties rock stars, movie icons, and the post-WWII religion of socialism and the dole. No wonder they can't win any medals. But they still love their fucking queen. Because she's, you know, the symbol of the parliamentary autocracy they've learned to depend on because they don't want to be responsible for themselves.

Am I hopeful about the Brits? No. They're done. Finished and best forgotten.

Am I hopeful about us? Only half and only in contrast to the Brits. I'm thinking this will be the Silver Olympics. When Team USA keeps settling somehow for second best as if that were a win because we're still competing, if no longer for first place. Yes, in Obama's USA, silver is the new gold. Better to let the Others hear their sorry national anthems on the podium while we stand somewhat apologetically to the side.

I won't labor the metaphor. I'll just remind you that Olympic results have mattered in the past as a measure of national mood, if not will. Carter blew off the 1980 Olympics. Under Reagan, we came roaring back. You could look it up.

My predictions for London 2012? The seats in the stadia will continue half-empty. The toff socialites of the European Community who got their tickets via influence have little interest in the proceedings. Saw the same thing in the final rounds of the British Open. Ranks of empty seats among the sections reserved for the quality. The Brits are long used to the definitions of smart people I gave above. Why they don't riot at the musical comedy celebration of a National Health Service that is committing euthanasia on a grand scale against the commoners.

Team America will set a record for silver medals. Apology has become part of our Obama-era persona.

NBC will continue to be as incompetent an Olympic broadcaster as we've noted for at least eight years now. They still think we root as hard for China as they do, and they think we won't notice that their grasp of the new technologies is as weak as they presume (wrongly) ours is. And it will never occur to them to explain what the hell is going on in the new sports (Team handball? Really?) that fascinate them more than the rest of us who want to see Americans compete more than Serbs and Koreans and Brazilians and fucking Brits.

NBC will also continue to pollute its Olympic broadcasts with ads for entertainment programming that is every bit as crude, larded with big-mouthed lefty celebrities, and unfunny sitcoms as most of us have known without actually watching their shows for years.

You can gather, in summary, that when it comes to hope for my country I'm on the razor's edge. As Lake insisted, we may not despair. But despair is a constant shadow that stalks my experience of a country that barely resembles the one I grew up in.

Team USA, GO. Go(ld).

NBC. Get a grip.

U.K.? I hear your hospices are adequate. Go check in. ALL of you. Every last man and jack. And woman. I hear you're just as nihilistically slimy about sex as your men used to be when they still had a sex drive. Aww. Poor horny androgynes. Not nearly as sorry for you as you'd like me to be. Unless you can explain, INTERESTINGLY(!), why all Brit women turn eventually into men. uh, sorry. Brit men, meaning low voices, chiselled enunciation, no emotions. and droopy wrinkled manboobs. As if there ever really were any difference between Brits with square pegs and Brits with square holes.

Which brings us back to oxymorons.

But you have the arrogant historical defense of believing -- the one thing you all still do believe in, actually -- that nobody but a Brit knows an oxymoron when he sees it. Probably right about that (unless the Celts have always known better). But we Americans do know simple morons when we see them...

Enjoy your Olympics. They'll bring the usual pleasure of the voyeur. Others doing. You watching. And wondering why you can't do. Any longer.

P.S. More information. All references to the explicit commercial for Britain's National Health Service during the opening ceremonies have apparently been removed from YouTube. Embarrassed, are we?

I have now spent two hours looking for what was once on YouTube. Just so you know. We can spend a few million dollars, er Euros, advertising our love of government. What we can't allow is free access to those who might jeer at it.

As it should, must be, jeered at. Much better to pretend it never happened. Classic leftist crap.

UPDATE. Gosh. That NBC crew calling the men's gymnastics was just so cool, wasn't it? Real emotion in there. All that about "sinewy strength, and taut hardness, and how he couldn't ever lose," because he was so rigid and hard and whatever.

Phooey. Is this the best NBC can do? Really? Probably so. Gay athletes okay. Super gay athletes okay, but please don't stream us sodomy videos, okay? Forget it. NBC can't wait to make us all love the image of senior male gymnasts buggering the junior male gymnasts (???!!!). How life works. How scoring works. Because when we all think about it in our heart of hearts what we all want to visualize is male-male sodomy. (Go away, Brian Williams...) Thank God for NBC and its brilliant announcers. It was tiresome a decade ago; it's even more tiresome now. Face it: homosexuality is just plain dull.

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