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Archive Listing
February 15, 2011 - February 8, 2011

Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Harvard Whores

NOTWITHSTANDING OLD LOYALTIES. Maybe this entry is a little unfair, and maybe it isn't. I watched Fox News Sunday this week and got a bad taste in my mouth. The show began with a panel of two senators and two congressmen assessing the State of the Union speech, Obama's current positions on healthcare and the war on terror, and the nature of the political environment in the wake of the Massachussetts miracle of Scott Brown. Three of the four were candid and thoughtful as much as politicians can afford to be -- Senator Evan Bayh (D) of Indiana, Senator Lamar Alexander (R) of Tennessee, and Congressman Paul Ryan (R) of Wisconsin. The fourth was Congressman Chris Van Hollen (D) of Maryland. Every second he spent on camera was an utter waste of time. Rote, repeated talking points. Denial. Outrageous claims of Obama achievement and popularity. Bush bashing. Class warfare. An almost parodistic string of empty clichees. It was as if he were appearing on a completely different program from his congressional colleagues, who endured his remarks with thin smiles and thinly disguised, uh, embarrassment.

Here's the transcript. And just one representative excerpt:

WALLACE: Let's turn to � I mean, we've been skirting around it, but let's talk just some politics with a capital "P" here.

Congressman Van Hollen, as we've said, you're in charge of electing more Democrats to the House this year. In the wake of the November loss in New Jersey and Virginia, in the wake of Scott Brown's victory in Massachusetts, how much trouble is your party in?

VAN HOLLEN: The party's not in trouble, but at the same time we need to recognize what's on the mind of the American people, which is jobs, which is why the president and the Congress will be focused on a jobs acceleration package going forward, why we're going to make sure we try and pass the Wall Street accountability bill so that we don't have the taxpayers left holding the bag again in the future if you have bad decisions on Wall Street.

And the president's made a proposal to make sure that the taxpayer gets all those monies back at the end of the day, and we're hoping our Republican colleagues will join us in that.

So I think if we focus on the fundamental issues � and by the way, we all know health care reform is essential to bring down the deficit over the long period of time. All my colleagues would acknowledge that. So I think that if we focus on that, we will be in good shape going forward.

It's always going to be a difficult election year, the first midterm for a new president. We understand that. But let's focus on the fundamentals.

And if I just could, the president's point was not that the Republicans don't have any ideas. He pointed out he had incorporated some of them, like tax cuts, as part of the stimulus bill.

But what he was saying is, "Let's not go back to the same ideas that got us into the mess to begin with," for example, big tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans.

WALLACE: OK.

OK indeed. All this pitiful spin on the same panel where a clearly troubled Senator Bayh said:

I mean, we can all criticize what happened last year under the previous administration, but I think the real question is where do we go from here.

I think a freeze on domestic discretionary spending is a good step in the right direction. I think the president's pledge to veto spending bills that go beyond his pledge to restrain Congress is a good step. A commission to restrain long-term debt, where we have bipartisan solutions - - I know Lamar voted for that. I voted for that. That's an example.

John McCain and I last week put out some suggestions, taking some of Paul's [i.e., Rep. Paul Ryan's] good ideas about how to restrain spending.

So it was a wake-up call, but whether we actually get the message and do the tough things to implement what needs to be done � that remains to be seen.

Now here's where the bad taste in the mouth comes in. While these gentlemen were speaking, Fox News producers were subtitling their responses on camera with chyrons spelling out their educational backgrounds. Evan Bayh:� B.S., business economics/public policy, Indiana University; J.D., University of Virginia. Lamar Alexander: B.A., Vanderbilt University; J.D., NYU School of Law. Paul Ryan: B.A., economics/political science, Miami University of Ohio. Chris Van Hollen, B.A., Swarthmore College; M.P.P.A., Harvard University; J.D., Georgetown University Law Center.

Have I made it clear that Van Hollen was the whore on the panel? Lacking only black lip liner, breast implants, and platinum hair extensions to establish his real profession beyond doubt. The only Harvard guy there (apart from a slightly incredulous Chris Wallace). Veritas.

Right. What a joke. And so I'm thinking, not for the first time, Harvard has a lot to answer for in this country. Teddy Kennedy has finally gone to his reward, whatever that might be. But we still have to account for the fact that many of the, well, blowsiest, most shameless lying whores in today's federal government have a Harvard connection: Senator Chuck Schumer, who will say absolutely anything to get on camera; Congressman Barney Frank, as despicable and duplicitous an abuser of the public trust as has ever been elected to the House of Representatives; Senator (ugh) Al Franken, who nakedly connived to chisel and steal an election he should never have been allowed to participate in as a carpetbagger and dilettante gadfly; and Barack Obama, who has never told us the truth about anything in his brief but incredibly damaging public career. Veritas.

One element of unfairness is that Harvard isn't the only offender in this regard. The other over-esteemed Ivy League schools are just about equally culpable. Timothy Geithner is a cheat and liar from Dartmouth. Eric Holder is a corrupt political buttboy from Columbia. Keith Olbermann is a vengeful pseudo-intellectual, semi-psychotic streetwalker from Cornell. The Clintons are both Yale sociopaths. Economist-whore Paul Krugman hails from Princeton.

Another element of unfairness is that some of the good guys come from these schools too. Charles Krauthammer. Bill Kristol. Ann Coulter. George Will. But nothing can make up for the harm that has been, and is being, inflicted on us by universities that proclaim their visionary discernment on matters of character, learning, and enlightenment. If they're any good at all at fulfilling their educational mission, why do their graduates constitute 40 percent of the top ten "most corrupt" politicians in the United States?

Harvard (and its vassals) has become the Fool on the Hill. Which makes me sick. And it should make you mad. I know I am.

Duplicitas. Yuck.

The Most Depressing
Music on Earth, Ever

Yeah, I admit it. Mezzo-sopranos are God.

RUSSKIES. Mrs. CP was a Russian scholar. We have a running joke about depressing movies. They can't be depressing enough for her. I prefer, well, Seabiscuit.

So this is a hat tip (courtesy of NRO's John Derbyshire) I couldn't ignore. He has an incredibly depressing book out called "We Are Doomed." People have been writing him about depressing music one could listen to while reading his apocalyptic tome. This recommendation has to do with Alexander Nevsky. And some incredibly sordid and depressing episode in Russian history involving genocide, ice, and all-around Russian-ness. The music is Soviet, crushing, in short -- Prokofiev. Mrs. CP is going to love it to death. Here's the whole ball of wax.

I think it's a good thing. The Russians really are the masters of depressing music, depressing everything. But we're Americans. We can flirt with the awfullest, saddest, most soul-destroying nothingness... for a while. Then we buck up and start believing again. Which is why I urge you to watch this...

...and then move on to the antidote. Which isn't as cheery as it is just plain vital.

We live. Always did. Always will. We are not Russians. We're Americans.
�

Tuesday, February 02, 2010

Super Bowl Week

My Favorite Players

The myth is that there has never been a Golden Age. It is a myth.

FIGHTING BACK AGAINST THE POISONING. I'm still sick and a little off my head on something called Mucinex-D, so forgive me if these musings have little to do with the Colts or Saints. When you're at your most vulnerable, you frequently fall victim to -- what's the word? -- nostalgia. The great Eagles cornerback Tom Brookshier died last Friday. That's one factor. Another factor was the Pro Bowl Sunday. Having to sit through yet another hagiographic ESPN promo for Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb, whose greatest (and luckiest) career achievement to date was getting criticized by Rush Limbaugh. Ever since, the sportscasters have cut him a break they uniformly deny to every other QB in NFL history but the inarguably greater Dan Marino: they consistently add McNabb to their lists of finest active quarterbacks, in the same company with Brady, Manning, Favre, and Brees, never voicing the criticism -- "He can't win the Big Game" -- they used to level at even the great Peyton Manning until he won the Super Bowl a few years ago. (Mark my words: you'll hear it said about Philip Rivers next fall, but not McNabb.)

While the ESPN know-it-alls assailed ungrateful Eagle fans for dissing the superstar who tossed his cookies when the NFL Championship was in his grasp, McNabb was throwing two interceptions (one invalidated by penalty) and killing earthworms as usual with the ground-pounding artillery he calls passes. He was also, as usual, grinning and laughing as he trotted off the field after his three-and-outs. In a game that produced almost a thousand yards of total offense. Phooey.

So, just to distract myself, I got to thinking. Who are my favorite NFL players of all time? Forget the money, free-agency, prima donnas, MSM PR, and self-promotion. I'm not even trying to field an entire team, just to call out the ones who if you had them on your team would make you an insuperable force even if everyone else around them was a journeyman.

It also occurred to me that this kind of exercise is a litmus test. Something about how you approach life. For example, most of my choices predate the mega-million dollar contracts today's players enjoy. I'm drawn to the ones who played for pride, the love of the game, victory more than Maseratis and stock options. I'm obsolete, old-fashioned. But here are the players I'd want, whether they're really the best or not. I'm no scholar of football. Just a fan with a bunch of personal memories. Like many of you. Feel free to nominate your own favorites. After all, mine are only that.

Linemen

I think of this part of the game in terms of units instead of individual stars. Which makes it easier. My defensive line is the Purple People Eaters of the old, pre-dome Vikings: Page, Eller, Marshall, and Larsen. Back in the era of the 14-game schedule, they once held their opponents to 133 points in a season. That's less than a touchdown and a field goal per game. If memory serves, their quarterback that year was Gary Cuazzo. Remember him? Exactly. They weren't big but they were game changers. I recall one Monday night game in which Alan Page got called for personal fouls on two successive plays. He proceeded to get all the penalty yardage back on the next two plays with two unassisted sacks of the quarterback. Sadly, there's no record on YouTube of this extraordinary set of defensive linemen. I know there will be those who prefer the "Steel Curtain" of Mean Joe Green and company, but I don't like the Steelers. Never did. It's that simple.

My offensive line is the unit known as the Redskin "Hogs." You can see their handiwork in the clip below, where my backup fullback demonstrates the value of a mohawk + incomparable blocking. I've never liked the Redskins either, but consistency is the bane of small minds. It's that simple.

Linebackers

I do have a full complement in this category. As an Eagles fan, I have to include the last of the 60-minute men, Chuck Bednarik:

As should be obvious by now, I've also always had a soft spot in my heart for the Colts. Which means my roster will forever have a place for Mike "The Animal" Curtis (scroll):

Not to mention one of my all-time-favorite favorite players. Who STILL rules so thoroughly that his latest heir is but a shadow of his memory:

The Defensive Secondary

Sorry. I don't remember corners any more than you do. I only remember free safeties. And this is the one I want. The only 'still active' player on my list if that tells you anything. I also have his jersey. His Eagles jersey.

Running Backs

You only need two. A halfback and a fullback. (With Riggins as backup). Here's my halfback -- poetry in motion:

And great as he was, he's just a distraction from the one and only all-time greatest running back in the NFL. I first encountered Jim Brown on the radio. Eagles announcers kept describing the fact that it took five men to tackle him and he still got five yards even when they hit him at the line of scrimmage. I couldn't even visualize such a man. Until I saw him play.

Simply the greatest football player of all time. Unstoppable.
And he didn't win the Heisman Trophy. Late bloomer? Right.

Quarterback

I have a lot of favorite quarterbacks. Roger Staubach. Kenny "The Snake" Stabler (video tribute, unless this is.), Fran Tarkenton. Randall Cunningham (best individual plays ever), Bobby Layne, George Blanda. All for different reasons. There's also Peyton Manning, whom I've written about before. If he wins the Super Bowl this year, he'll probably go down in history as the greatest QB of all time -- but still the second best QB the Colts ever had. Why? Everything he does was invented in the first place by this guy. The one who would have dismissed Joe Namath to oblivion if he hadn't been injured that year. Who? The Main Man.

Unmistakably iconic

Receivers

No, I don't have a tight end. Who cares about tight ends? I have just two receivers. The greatest breakaway threat ever.

And the greatest third-down-game-on-the-line-all-time-favoritest-football-player-ever for those of us who are small and slow and invincibly determined to win. The one and only Fred Biletnikoff:

I never EVER saw him drop a pass. Un-fucking-believable.

There you have it. Maybe I'll talk about the 2010 Super Bowl later. Or not. As I intimated earlier, I'm not entirely in my right mind about now. I'm rocking back and forth in waves of nostalgia, remembering professional football the way it used to be, filled with personalities, giants, villains, and mythic forces of good and evil. I guess it says something bad about me that I was rooting a lot of the time for the evil silver and black. Punk has always been a state of mind.

My prediction. America will begin to recover from its current nanny-state malaise when the Oakland Raiders return to their pinnacle atop the National Football League. Lake, you keep track of predictions here. Write this one down.

P.S. For the faint of heart. The best videos, for those who only pick and choose, are the ones about Jim Brown, Dick Butkus, Brian Dawkins (Numero Uno by far, trust me), and Randall Cunningham. Everyone else should watch all of the YouTube links.

Monday, February 01, 2010

A video parable in
the Age of Obama

Yeah, it's also an advertisement. So what else is new?

WHO WE GOTTA BE. Cheese can be nutritious. It can also kill you. Which makes it a lot like Hope and Change Obama style. No big lesson here. We just got to learn how to push that weight off our chest and get strong enough to escape the trap. Even a mouse can have the eye of the tiger.

Finis.

'Minority Report' Redux

A Minority Report. I'll explain. Later.

SHAMMADAMMA. Brizoni and IP have both weighed in on the State of the Union speech. But Mrs. CP and I have both been down sick with the -- what do they call it? -- Wild Boar Hog Flu -- which collapsed the two of us like flour sacks on the couch in front of the TV set for about five days. So, if you don't want to spend hours documenting intern misspellings on Fox News chyrons (My favorite? "Navel vessels.") or watching NBA lowlights on ESPN, soap operas, Lifetime Channel movies (where old actresses go to flex their facelifts) or Criminal Minds reruns (Mandy Patinkin needs a drink), you wind up watching murder on Dateline ID.

Kind of ironic when you think about it. You never have a more jaundiced and misanthropic view of life than when you're feeling physically lousy. Everything and everyone is annoying just by being there. Your spouse is feeling the exact same way right next to you. And you're sitting there watching husbands killing wives and wives killing husbands, all of them bent on committing the perfect crime. What's the kick? Making sure the other person on the couch isn't making surreptitious notes on the backs of envelopes. (Just for the record, I wasn't, and I never once caught her doing it either. Although she's far better organized than I am. And mostly smarter too. That's not an accusation. At all. But if CP suddenly vanishes from the site.... I'm just saying.)

So what are all the murders about? Spouses killing spouses. In the past five days we've probably seen somewhere between thirty and fifty spouse murders introduced by that weird chick NBC won't let out of the basement. Initially we felt sorry for her. "Such a nice outfit! Why does she have to stay down in the cellar?" Toward the end it was getting nasty: "Okay, so she lives on mold and mildew in the world's largest underground walk-in closet. They obviously have a very very good reason for keeping her there..." In fact, it seems that practically everybody should be locked in a basement, at all times, on general principles.

Because after a week of such education, I may not know a damn thing about the Obama agenda in 2010, but I know one hell of a lot about murder. Wanna hear? You better. It's all I can offer today.

I'm pretty sure, regardless, that my flu week constitutes a great service to my fellow citizens. It boils down to a handful of rules, a couple of keen observations, and ONE breakthrough recommendation. Ready? Rules first:

1. If you're looking for vengeance, get the venue changed to Ohio.

There is no case so circumstantial, so gossamer, so outright fantastical that an Ohio jury won't convict a husband or wife on a charge of First-Degree Murder. You thought the Sam Shepard case that inspired 'The Fugitive' was an artifact of the 1950s. It wasn't. There's an old saying (said way too many times btw by legal pundits) that a Grand Jury will indict a ham sandwich. Ohio juries will convict a ham sandwich of murder and then eat the sandwich themselves in their zeal for a death sentence. (This is not prejudice. My east-coast Vassar aunt was living in Ohio during the Shepard case. She would bite your nose off if you suggested Sam Shepard was innocent even after he was proven innocent. I'm just saying.)

2. Whatever you do, don't ever marry a doctor, a nurse, or an orderly.

Stone killers, all of them. Especially when it come to a nasty little drug called succinocholine. Don't ask what it does. Too awful to contemplate. Just know that they're dying to give it to you the moment your backside is turned (it's delivered by injection).

3. Forget about life insurance. Don't ever bring the subject up. Not for your spouse. Not for you.

As it turns out, all life insurance policies are simply the first step in a murder plot. Whenever there's a life insurance policy, the insured person dies. The police are looking for this. Which means that if you're the insured one, you're dead the moment you sign. ANd if you're the one who suggested it, you're going to be tried and convicted for murder. Even if you don't live in Ohio.

�4. Adultery is a death sentence. Either way.

If you cheat, you'll kill or be killed by your spouse. If you're cheated on, you'll kill or be killed by your spouse. Simple enough? Good.

5. Don't ever have money problems.

They always end in murder.

6. When planning your own spousal murder, stay the hell away from any plot that involves garbage bags, duck tape, tires, shoes, baseball bats or knives, arterial spray, Kleenex, or succinocholine.

They're onto all that stuff. Even those dumb hicks in Kentucky. You'd be shocked at how good those white trash language hammerers in border-state police forces are at nailing genius wife-killers.

7. Just because you're a rocket scientist, neurosurgeon, or rabbi, don't think you're automatically talented at murder. Think instead: you probably suck at murder. Big time. Laughably. Godawfully. Think about what an asshole you're going to look like during the perp walk. And they will do the perp walk. Because they don't like you.

Let's put it this way. The SATs do not measure aptitude for successful spouse killing.

Did I mention observations? Okay, here are a couple:

1. Murder juries seem to take their job seriously in 49 states of the union.

They're pretty impressive overall. Something about the dynamic of individuals from many walks of life evaluating everything that happens in the courtroom.

2. The quality of police forces and prosecutor offices varies enormously from place to place. Getting away with murder really is a crapshoot.

Sometimes the cops are amazing and the prosecutors spineless shits. Sometimes the prosecutors are brilliant but relying on lazy, slovenly police work. Sometimes they're both admirable, sometimes equally weak. The good thing is that there's no pattern. There's no way to be sure that the town or county you kill your spouse in will be staffed with dumbfuck cops and timid "I don't go to court without a slam-dunk conviction" prosecutors. The good ones, wherever they are, protect all of us. It's called deterrence.

3. Justice isn't just about forensics; it's also about judgment.

Spouse killers, male and female, really are different from you and me. That's what the juries see, even when they convict in ephemerally circumstantial cases. That's why Mrs. CP and I stuck with our murder course. You usually get to hear from the jurors what the jurors thought. They don't discount forensic evidence. They understand it better than Obama might think they would. But they're also watching the accused. They don't even seem to be judging him or her for violations of traditional morality. Infidelity, pornography, larceny, domestic violence, none of that seems to equate for them to murder. They really can set that aside. They suffer, even for the most unlikable defendants, under the power of life and death they hold over the accused.

They speak commonly of entering the courtroom after the verdict has been agreed on with hammering hearts and tears in their eyes, even when the verdict is guilty. After five days of watching them, I'd trust the juries of 49 states to judge me fairly.

Which leads me to my only real recommendation. The only dead-serious one anyway.

Mrs. CP and I developed a habit over the five days of looking to each other when the narrator announced that a case had gone to the jury. I'd say, "Guilty or Not Guilty?" She'd say, well, uh, "Guilty." As would I.

You see. Our five-day course taught us something else. When a spouse who has no enemies is murdered, the surviving spouse is usually the murderer. Not always. But usually. And the question of guilt or innocence is often easy to assess.

Killing someone you supposedly care about without immediately confessing the deed is almost always a job for a sociopath. The good news is that sociopaths tend to give themselves away. They know how to mimic ordinary human emotions -- vexation, disappointment, anger, loss, grief -- but their mimickry is based on observation. Which means they don't know how to imitate the unique emotions of having a loved one violently murdered.� They've never seen it and so can't imitate it.

The media get in the way of this observation, making it seem as if there's some conformist ideal of grief whose violation is a disruption of clichee that leads to the death sentence. "uh, he didn't act normal." That's not what's happening. Juries aren't convicting defendants because they don't cry when they seemingly ought to. They convict them because they have an ear -- and an eye -- for what is false, what is faked. The husband, the wife, the children who cry predictably at every mention of their purported loss, without tears.

That's what Mrs. CP and I saw again and again and again and again in OUR murder tour. The accused who wept lavishly and at every whipstitch, without tears.

We lifted our congested heads from our weary hands, looked at one another, and said, "Guilty."

BUT. The insight is this. Spouses who kill spouses in the first degree are almost all like this. They are sociopaths. That's why my recommendation is a kind of 'Minority Report.' There are many more sociopaths among us than most people suspect.� These are people without empathy, without conscience, without morality, and in most cases, without fear, which is why murder seems like a reasonable option to them. It never is. The price is so exorbitantly high compared to the benefit that the expected vaslue of the risk run is ridiculously low. The person who can't perform that dead-simple calculation is an emotionally retarded freak.

In fact, the people who think murdering their wives or husbands a rational choice are human defects. Damaged, incomplete, missing persons in your face. They're different enough from the rest of us that they can be identified by testing. Truthfully, we should all be able to identify them in normal conversation. (I know I've done.) And there are more of them now than have ever existed in our culture before:

As we've said. Before.

Of course, I'm just an old batshit bastard who doesn't know one thing one about anything.

Ignore me all you want. But test the kids for sociopathy. More of them are than you want to know. Do you really want their hands on the Hoverround when you're touring the Grand Canyon?

If you're too stupid to understand that question, stay away from Mrs. CP. Her Hoverround has a machinegun.

And I ride right behind her.

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Turn the Sound Off

THIS TIME WE KNOW THE CAPTIONS... I'm not trying to compete with Brizoni's LiveBlog but to complement it. He heard the State of the Union address on the radio without being able to see it. Now I suggest that you watch Obama speak without being distracted by the voice, the words, the tone, the applause, the punditry. Just look. At his demeanor, his face, his eyes, and most particularly his mouth. Its default configuration is an arrogant, even contemptuous sneer. Even after a smile it reverts to a hard downturned line. This is no servant of the people. This is a superior taking time out from loftier matters to lecture his unworthy subjects. Watch as long as you can stand it. Note how often his chin drifts superciliously upward. Is it just me or are his eyes as fixed and cold as a shark's? We like this man, do we? Really? We deserve this man?

Not really. Unless we continue to value him as highly as he values himself. In that case we would merit the indignities he intends to heap upon us.

I'm with Chris Matthews on one point at least. I didn't think of him as black either. I thought of him as a tyrant barely restraining his impulse to arrest all the undesirables in the room. That's a mien that knows no color, except for that of the soul which inhabits the uniform of power.

Watch. To the extent that this performance has not been adjudged unanimously a disgrace to the office of president, it is our own disgrace as a nation, a people, and a citizenry we are witnessing.

Why the site has been silent for a few days... mortification.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

State of the Union Liveblog

The joke is, he gives us even less credit.

THE FIRST ONE SET THE BAR TOO HIGH. Too high for me, Brizoni, anyway.

5:38 PM (PST) State of the Union starts at six! We know the President thinks we're stupid, but how stupid, exactly? We'll find out in 30 minutes. Stay tuned.

6:00 PM Here we go. ABC radio has an inspirational montage to start us off. Sounds like an Oscar montage.

6:04 PM ABC analyst urges us to "put aside what he says" and weigh how Presidential he is saying it. Uh, no. Not how a conscious nation rolls, lady.

6:09 Stop applauding! This isn't Stalin's Russia. Get on with it.

6:11 "Maybe if I lull them to sleep in the first few minutes, they'll ignore the rest! I'm so much smarter than America!"

6:15 "You know what else they share? They share a stubborn resilience in the face of adversity." That adversity would be you, sir. You and every other official who thinks it's their business to "solve our problems." We want you to get out of our way. That's it.

6:18 I trust I don't have to inform the reader that "fear or divison" is code for partisan politics, which InstaPunk's founder defined so deftly as "The strenuous advocacy of any political position not favored by the person on camera right now." By the same token, whenever he talks about losing touch with the American people, he's really bemoaning the fact that we idiots have stopped believing his narrative.

6:19 Muther...! No one wanted the bank bailout? To paraphrase Joe Wilson, my ass.

6:22 May have blown my Joe Wilson wad too soon. He's citing numbers of jobs saved and "recovered." Any chance these numbers will hold up to scrutiny? I give them 2 hours before they're debunked. Maybe.

"Economists on the left and on the right" is a phrase of rare candor. It implies that economics isn't a settled science. Weird admission for a leftist.

6:24 Is that booing I hear for a new jobs bill? Or is my AM radio playing tricks on me? If not, good.

6:35 NUCLEAR POWER? OFFSHORE DRILLING! He's teasing my dick.

6:36 Oh, nevermind. Climate bill. As you were.

6:37 Mr. President, the only "overwhelming evidence" is for the scientific mainstream having committed the largest fraud in its history. Republicans, it's OK to boo this clown. Your constituency doesn't want you to hold back anymore.

Seriously.

6:39 It's so condescending when AGW crazies defend economy-crippling clean energy proposals as a matter of competition. It'd be a little less offensive, and a little more logical, if he just declared "We need green energy because YOUR FAVORITE SPORTS TEAM RULES!"

6:44 Rhetorical shift. "Universal Health Care" is now "Health Care Reform." A savvy lowering of expectations. Lets his base save face by telling themselves this is what they wanted all along.

6:45 What did Ben Franklin say about security? It's good? Government should give us more of it? I forget the exact wording.

6:47 "By the time I�m finished speaking tonight, more Americans will have lost their health insurance." You bet. Thousands every second. Better put the government in charge of more stuff. Their fixing-things record is... unimpeachable.

6:48 Health care reform would reduce our deficit? You mean, like how Medicare is totally solvent? And isn't going bankrupt next year? 6:51 The big reneg of the night was leaked earlier, but it's still worth gloating over. Click and laugh.

6:55 He called for common sense! I don't have TV. Did he say that with a straight face? The audacity of arrogance, more like.

6:57 Now he's calling for transparency? And lobbyists are the source so much government secrecy? And he's boasting of HIS transparency? I say this in a completely non-racist way: Nigga please!

Nuh-uh. No way. No one's so elitist he really believes the average man simply has no memory. No way this guy thinks no one's seen the video that catches his lying ass red-handed.

I saw this coming. This is the new age of rhetorical warfare: Audacity as a bludgeon. The aim is to logjam the observant citizen's critical faculty with so much BS, he doesn't know where to begin, and hopefully gives up.

I'm just about there myself, to be totally honest. It's too much horsecrap too quick. What was I thinking, trying to debunk it all on the fly. Even InstaPunk didn't want to take this on.

7:04 And there it is. He just invoked 9/11. Time for me to take a 24-hour puke break.

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