Instapun*** Archive Listing

Archive Listing
July 1, 2012 - June 24, 2012

Tuesday, June 26, 2012


DUMBER AND FORGIVERER. This is a sorrowful version of a funny post I've been wanting to do for years. I kept putting it off, because it was just humor and the moment never seemed completely right. Here's the premise. There are three careers in the mass media that are the easiest.

1) You can be a dead body on one of the TV shows that feature forensic medicine.Think about it. Your only job is not to move. They put a ton of makeup on you, and unless you're in the U.K. they won't even show your breasts and genitals. Which makes it a definite step up from being, say, an exotic dancer.

2) You can be an actor -- yes, an actual actor -- in the quasi-infomercial spots that are always trying to sell life-changing appliances for $19.95 plus shipping and handling. You know. The people who can't peel a hard-boiled egg, chop an onion, put clothes on a hanger, mop a floor, make a meatloaf, cook pasta, train your dog, deal with cat litter, clean your tub, clean a frying pan, pin up your own hair, or holster your own breasts. All you have to do is be completely clumsy and incompetent, then throw up your hands in despair. Kewl. Maybe not an Emmy, but a paycheck awaits.

3) You can type captions for the hearing-impaired. Because nobody seems to care how terribly you seem to do it. Which is where I hijack my own humor post into the Twilight Zone. It used to be funny, or I thought it was funny, but in reality it's a fucking outrage.

If I were hearing impaired (and pushing 60 after a lifetime of rock and roll I sometimes am), I'd be filing massive class action suits. I know I've previously made an issue of the misspellings in chyrons and zippers (yeah, I've been a graphics professional in a previous life) on the Fox News Channel, but this is something altogether else. And I know that it's harder to caption things live rather than after the fact. But since I've been listening to Laura Ingraham's radio show and watching Fox News with the sound off and captions turned on, I cannot tell you how disturbed I am. Yesterday's SCOTUS decision was apparently about the status of Arizona's "boarders." Which is only the beginning of the problem. All the discussion about what lower courts enjoined is now about what they "enjoyed" or will "enjoy" in future.

Which completely omits all the dropped words, bizarre homophones, and idiotic misspellings that make reading the captions an exercise in Lear/Carroll nonsense. You can watch the typers backspacing to turn "com grace un all" into "congreshunal," but imagine yourself wanting the news.

So who is doing this work? Is this the first stop for Fox News interns, the place where they show their chops from Liberty University and Oral Roberts U.? Or is it generational instead?

Honestly, I'm old. I know how to spell. Last week I saw a story online from the L.A. or New York Times that caused me to gasp. It wasn't a misspelling. It was a flagrant usage error. The writer, in a parenthetical, used the word "unctuous" in a context that couldn't have been intended to mean anything but "egregious." I'm pretty sure the culprit wasn't Liberty or Oral Roberts. I'm thinking it's Harvard, Columbia, and Princeton. Who aren't actually in the education business anymore. Believe me, I'd be happy to debate them on the subject. But they wouldn't even know how and why I'd won. And did I mention Yale? Idiots supreme.

When I threw in the towel basically. This isn't a humor post. It's a death post. People who presume to write should know how to write.

I'm fucking sick of the MSM. And I'm fucking sick of the New Media too. FNC, Hotair and all the Big websites need an old-time copy editor. BOY, do they. But they don't return my calls.

If you're smart, you'll proofread your comments before you post them.

Monday, June 25, 2012

Just Another...

Yeah. We're in the girl bands part of the campaign. Don't fret.

RAPTORS IN CRISIS: CAN YOU FLEDGES FLY? So the week isn't off to a great start. The Supremes wimped out, including Chief Justice Roberts, on the Arizona immigration law. Which reinforces doubts I've been having all along about the optimistic projections of SCOTUS-watchers that ObamaCare would be overturned in whole or in part.

How crazy is the situation overall? So completely nuts it barely merits comment. The media think the SCOTUS outcomes are crucial, but nobody knows who is hurt or helped by any decision, any way. Striking down Arizona could embolden the Obama amnesty bandwagon, but it could also inflame the hearts of immigration hardasses in the southwest. Striking down ObamaCare could energize the Obama base, but sustaining ObamaCare (prepare yourselves) could also motivate the Republican base, even those whose chief Romney objection is "magic underwear." Nobody knows.

A flurry of media fury, which adds up to nothing. In the meantime, the NYT does a long article about the mysterious ratings decline of NBC News without once mentioning fallacious Today Show editing, which has even become an issue in the Penn State/Sandusky trial, or the flagrant violations of journalistic editing in the Trayvon case, or the nostalgic (yearning for Bush 41) fraudulent editing of Romney's remarks at a Wawa in Pennsylvania. The article never even references the fact that the first time Brian Williams reported on Fast & Furious was last week for a total of about 19 seconds. The initials MSNBC were never named in the NYT's lamentation about the fall of the NBC News Division. Wow.

Nothing adds up to nothing, over and over again. Jon Stewart utterly trashed the Obama administration over Fast & Furious, while his lefty soulmates at Bill Maher's HBO show nearly came to blows with libertarian Nick Gillespie over, uh, Fast & Furious, because it's all a covert racist attack on Holder and Obama. Both Bill and his star guest, the brilliantly manly Rachel Maddow, denied Gillespie's charge that they were mere shills for Obama Democrats. Really? It would seem that for once the Libs can't get their Talking Points straight.


Meanwhile, polls are showing that the incredibly stupid American people aren't too keen on the Obama administration's claim of Executive Privilege (63 to 29 against). For which the rebuttal by Bill Maher is that being a Republican isn't about having principles but about "being a dick." Rational, oh-so-tolerant, and convincing to boot. Simultaneously, the Obama administration, led by FLOTUS Michelle who is headed off to another glamorous multi-million-dollar excursion to the London Olympics, is actually asking voters to forgo wedding presents for themselves and instead make contributions to her husband's campaign. Done with a straight face because she believes so much in the husband she spends all her time running away from. You know, the husband who was playing his 101st round of golf while the Muslim Brotherhood was conquering Egypt and promising a repudiation of its peace with Israel. The president-elect happily declared his intention to make Egypt's new capital Jerusalem. Oh. Our president -- er, popular Michelle's immensely likeable husband Barack --  did take time out at the 13th tee to congratulate the new president of Egypt, who had already declared that Egypt should never be ruled by non-muslims or women. Does Sandra Fluke, who enthusiastically endorsed Obama for a second term last week, know that her president just threw all muslim women under the bus in the name of an Arab spring that saw at least one Egyptian woman beaten to death by her husband for wanting to vote against the Muslim Brotherhood? I guess we'll just have to wait for all the upcoming autobiographical bestsellers by Obama true-believers the NYT will no doubt be promoting this fall...


Monday is the day when we accept the end of weekend fun and confront the reality of another week of nuttiness. I can deal with all that part of it in a single sentence: the American left is stone fucking crazy.

But the implicit title of the post is "Manic Monday." Meaning why we should feel kind of jazzed about Monday. Well, we should. Because why? Because none of this crap means anything. What matters is that I can point you to three diversions you'll enjoy while the pundits and political strategists jaw and jaw and jaw about nothing. Here they are:

Thor. An entertaining movie, which is actually endearing for its determination to convince us that Norse mythology is neither Celtic nor Nordic. (Extra credit for identifying the name-link with The Boomer Bible.)

The Boys and Girl of County Clare, which is actually endearing for its clever twist against monolithic Celtic culture, even though it's completely charming in a thoroughly Celtic way.

The Smithsonian documentary on the Goshawk. Pretty much the most accurate profile of the Instapunk persona you'll ever find. And some of the best nature cinematography you will ever see about raptors.

Just because I don't provide links for all the news stories anymore doesn't mean you shouldn't do some searching on your own. Don't google yourself. Google the stories you run across. Constructing effective search strings is part of your education.

Not part of the Smithsonian show. But part of mine.

Enjoy your Monday. And have a better Tuesday. I know I will.

Back to Archive Index

Amazon Honor System Contribute to Learn More