Instapun*** Archive Listing

Archive Listing
November 27, 2009 - November 20, 2009

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

The Obama Mystery, Part II

Where's the Upside?

RESTATING THE QUESTION. I'm sure Lake is waiting for the InstaPunk take on the healthcare bill cloture vote, but I have bigger fish to fry. No disrespect to Lake. It's terrifying when the gear clicks forward another notch toward the disaster of an out-of-control rollercoaster plunge into the abyss.

But somebody has to be taking the long view. Since nobody else will, I guess I'm elected. I'm still trying to figure out who Obama is and why he's doing what he's doing. Some of you may remember that we posed the question back in July about whether Obama is a fiendishly clever totalitarian or a stupid speechifier over-impressed with his own rhetoric. We pointed out that conservatives were trying to have it both ways.

If Lowry is right, Obama doesn't care about the huge political hit he is about to take if he actually succeeds in his quest for a healthcare bill. His "restructuring" of the nation is more important than the plunge in the polls he will experience when another bill read in full by no member of congress locks every American into a government monopoly of the largest sector of the economy.  Why wouldn't he care?  Because he's the equivalent of a mole-suicide-bomber who would rather complete his destruction of the American economy and constitution than be reelected? Because he fully intends such an utter breakdown of the American and dependent global capitalist system that he will be able to declare martial law a la Hitler and become the Hugo Chavez of the world's most powerful nation? Or because he has such infinite faith in the structural changes he's making in the electorate via billions of dollars of ACORN funding that he can rig any future election, no matter how badly the polls go against him? If any of these scenarios are accurate, we need to know.

If York is right, the President of the United States is actually out of his right mind. He is so obsessed with his own sense of himself that he is unable to see how rapidly his support is evaporating, how feckless he has been in pursuing a foreign policy that is  "anything but Bush" and a domestic policy that is "anything but Clinton." In the first case, he kowtows to everyone in the vain belief that he will gain influence by not being the hated American cowboy, and in the second by abdicating every particular to congress in the vain belief that they will sustain his reckless and contemptuous schedule because the legislative nightmare they pass will be their own.

We also suggested that it's important for all of you to decide which theory of Obama is correct. Now we have more evidence, and my only purpose here is to put that evidence before you.

Because it is now possible to restate the question thus: What is the best possible upside to the policies Obama is betting his presidency on? That is, what is he doing in any arena to secure his own reelection in 2012?

Nothing. Think about this for a minute. Oh? You need to see evidence that this is so before you think? Sorry.

The Economy. All the polls indicate that Americans regard the economy, not healthcare, as the primary issue. Those same polls also indicate that the massive change represented by both the House and Senate healthcare bills are scaring people, especially the businesses, large and small, on whom we all depend to hire people in a recessionary economy. Scaring people creates uncertainty about the future. Uncertainty creates caution, delay, and penny-pinching. Note that it doesn't matter how bad or good this healthcare bill might be (even though an overwhelming majority believe it's terrible). What matters is that the prospect of a government takeover of one-sixth of the U.S. economy paralyzes decision makers at both Fortune 10 companies and small businesses, including car dealerships, florists, diners, and shoelace manufacturers. Where's the upside for the Obama administration? If the economy improves, people who work at diners and florist shops will still remember that Obama was talking about healthcare, not jobs, while their bosses were fearfully weaseling out of their healthcare insurance commitments. If the economy doesn't improve, Obama is toast anyway. But speaking of...

Healthcare. No 2012 upside here at all. The taxes, the benefit cuts, the frightened business and insurance company response will all occur three to four years before the first indigent, unemployed, uninsured beneficiaries of the bill (who are what? maybe 10 percent of the legal workforce?) start experiencing any improvements in healthcare availability? Think about the political insanity of such a political act. Actually, insanity is a mild word. In what universe do politicians make 90 percent of their constituents pay four years in advance for benefits that accrue to the ten percent who already likely pay no taxes? There is no upside here. Most voters will see no benefit ever, even under the rosiest scenarios. Their own premiums will increase, their care will be diluted (rationed?) because of the millions of new demands on the existing healthcare infrastructure, and they'll be paying the bill for years before anyone benefits, even if they actually care about that anyone. Which. They. Really. Don't.

The KSM Trial in New York.  Again, no possible upside. Even supposing that the administration anticipated some favorable publicity associated with the defendants' predictable determination to put the Bush administration on trial, every likely outcome of such a trial is negative for Obama. The 9/11 victims will be LOUDLY  offended. The legal precedents for such a decision are nonexistent and therefore wide open to negative political interpretation. If any entity of any kind commits an act of violence in New York City because the trial is being held there occurs, it will be laid squarely at the feet of the Obama adminstration. What is the very best that could transpire? That the conviction which everyone wants achieves the same result a miltary tribunal could have -- and was in process of achieving until the Obama administration froze proceedings -- which will accomplish what? Nothing. Except $100 million in unnecessary security expense, lavish amounts of anti-American propaganda boiling out across the worldwide media, and a major contribution to the worldwide opinion that the American Constitution is phony because it only pretends (the president and the attorney general have already pronounced the death sentence?) to value legal precepts like the presumption of innocence, discovery, the right to confront one's accusers, and a jury of one's peers. Consider. If there is no muslim on the jury, what is the meaning of "peers"? If there are muslims on the jury, what is the likelihood of a hung jury and a mistrial? Again, what is the very best that the Obama administration is hoping for?

Afghanistan. All the delay. All the pretense of cerebral agonizing. All the meetings and intervening golf photo-ops. Guess what. This now, ineluctably, Obama's War. Where's the upside, no matter what he does and how he decides? Nowhere. Actually winning -- that is, formal surrender followed by a victory parade -- was never possible. Losing has always been possible and is now inevitable, no matter what ocurs, because losing is everything short of a victory parade.If Obama withdraws, every muslim terrorist act in the world will be on his head. If he persists, every American death will be on his head because he didn't give the AMaerican military what they asked for when they asked for it. Upside? There. Is. No. Upside.

Foreign Policy Generally. Iran. Korea. Israel. Russia. The European Union. N-O.  U-P-S-I-D-E. At all. All that nicemaking is already not working. A nation that worships the NFL and NASCAR is never going to be impressed favorably by being nice. Worse is the fact that being nice doesn't work. It simply alerts your enemies to the fact that they can do whatever the hell they want. Worst of all, even the occasional diplomatic victory looks as if someone else decided to cut you a break, what with you being such a pussy and all. If you are always the apologizing petitioner, they -- the others, the enemies, the troublemakers -- are the decision makers and you are the prisoner bent over and holding his cheeks apart for sodomy in the shower. For example, if Iran doesn't go nuclear (HA!), will it be perceived as a result of Obama's niceness? Or a cold calculation on Iran's part? Fact is, if Iran doesn't go nuclear, Obama will get no credit. It will be seen as a stroke of pure luck.

AND we haven't talked about cap-and-trade, card-check, and immigration amnesty. No upside there either. Energy taxes to forestall a fossil fuel shortage a hundred years from now, argued sanctimoniously by an administration that wants to make our grandchildren pay trillions for depriving them of freedom (and air-conditioning) today? Card check? The secret ballot is un-American? Right. Amnesty for low-cost labor at a time when 10-20 percent of native-born Americans can't find work that supports their families? Right. Tell me the political upside of all that.

So. There was a hint last week that Obama conceded to members of Congress that he was willing to be a one-term president. Bad. Very bad. Un-American, in fact. But how? Is he already bored with the presidency as he has been with every other job he's ever held? (Too much work, not enough available cock to suck in private...) Or is he the ultimate ideologue? Just pass these few measures and I will die knowing that I acomplished the impossible dream -- annihilating the United States of America.

Overlook my own exaggeration. I ask you to think hard where the argument for a second Obama administration will come from. He has failed across the board in foreign policy. His domsestic policy is likewise a disaster. Other presidents have been in the same fix. But none have been in this fix. What would constitute success?

Tell me. What series of events would make Obama a successful-looking president? I can't think of any. And what does it mean that he evidently doesn't care? Too stupid to see he can't be reelected? OR So shrewd that he knows a president can kill his country in  a single 4-year term...?

If there's no upside, what's he up to? Simple question. What's the answer?

Which is the ultimate restatement of the Obama Mystery. I know what I think. Do you?

Friday, November 20, 2009

The NFL is All Fake.

Trust a woman to know what to do. Occam's Razor applied to hair.

DIDN'T USED TO BE. Something for you to think about over the weekend. Unrelated to healthcare and various foreign humiliations arranged for us by our president. The video above popped into public view a week or so ago with predictable results: "What a bitch!" implied ESPN and all the 24/7 news organizations. It made a different impression on me. She was doing exactly what I would have done if I were playing football with today's crop of prettyboy longhairs. Have you seen this ad?

This is the guy who's supposed to be the toughest Steeler since Jack Lambert?

Right. Ask yourself: what would Jack Lambert have done to these current NFL 'tough guys' on the field of play?

He'd have done what U. of New Mexico chick did. Slam them to the turf by their, uh, hair.

And it hasn't occurred to any of the other so-called NFL tough guys to do the same thing? Give me a break. Just look at these Rapunzels ESPN promotes as if they were Hall of Famers.

I'm calling bullshit on the whole thing. I want that UNM killer chick on my 'fantasy' team. And you can keep all the Hawaiian/Samoan/Rastafarian Breck girls on yours. Is that a deal?

Okay, So maybe I'm projecting some hostility from other causes onto the NFL. But if you dare to make the accusation, I'll slam your longhaired ass to the ground before you can say 'Ray Nitschke.' That's a promise.

P.S. btw, did anybody see last night's Pastel Bowl on the NFL Network?

A symphony of feminine color sense. Lovely.

The Next President

Martin Van Buren. Every heard anything about him? Exactly.

DISTRACTIONS ASIDE. Not that I've been watching, but it's been unavoidable. Sarah Palin's book tour. Missed the Oprah thing, saw a glimpse of the O'Reilly interview. Sorry, folks. She will not be president in 2012. Why. She's absolutely gorgeous. You can't stop looking at her. Reminds me of the world's weirdest movie star. Who will also not be president in 2012. You see, thanks to the amount of time I've spent studying Criminal Minds, I've been able to come up with a definitive profile of the next president of the United States, the chief feature of which is that he will bear no resemblance to Barack Obama. Things we can say for sure.

-- He won't be an historical first of any kind, like, say, a woman
-- His clothes won't quite fit.
-- He won't be a dynamic, galvanizing, or particularly moving speaker.
-- If he schedules a primetime press conference, none of the networks will cover it.
-- He'll win presidential debates by causing the audience to turn off the television out of boredom.
-- His wife won't wear jeans shorts or designer belts five inches wide.
-- He won't appear on any magazine covers or adoring YouTube videos.
-- He won't cause any network newsmen to get homoerotic leg twitches.
-- He won't cause any network newswomen to get hot and bothered on Air Force One.
-- He won't be young.
-- He won't be good looking.
-- He won't be charming.
-- He won't be sexy.
-- He won't be even remotely glib, folksy, or clever.
-- He won't have different accents for different audiences.
-- He'll spend a lot of time off-camera in the White House. Working.
-- He won't be apologetic about anything American, at home or abroad.
-- We'll be okay with that.
-- He'll have actual experience in government, foreign policy, and executive roles.
-- He'll love the United States more than himself.
-- He'll be an ruthless bastard about pursuing American interests abroad.
-- He'll see wars as opportunities for victory, not occasions for PR bonanzas in world opinion.
-- He'll be elected BECAUSE he is boring, experienced, competent, and predictable. And boring.

By 2012, the entire country will be yammering for an old-fashioned, even soporific president. Where can we find someone like Chester A. Arthur, Millard Fillmore, James K. Polk, Benjamin Harrison, or Martin Van Buren? Unfortunately, almost all Republicans flunk the test. Romney is good looking if not sexy. Huckabee is charming if nothing else. Giuliani and Thompson just love those cameras. Palin is completely out of the question.

The only ideal candidate in this scenario is Dick Cheney. Except that his heart is two-thirds dead. Which is why we're starting, today, an appeal to liberals to put their huge hearts where their passions lie. The president this country needs also requires your bleeding but veganistically healthy heart. Face it. YOU know Obama is a flop. Cheney's a cinch in electoral terms. What we need from you is a leap of faith. Give the next president your impeccably perfect heart and hope that it imbues him with at least some sympathy for all your stupid, misguided, destructive anti-American, anti-human policy initiatives.

While you mull it over, here's the number to call if you're enough of a patriotworld-citizen to seek the liberal re-hearting of Dick Cheney:


The phones here will be manned 24/7. Can't wait to hear from all you selfless patriots totalitarians secular humanists.

Back to Archive Index

Amazon Honor System Contribute to Learn More