Instapun*** Archive Listing

Archive Listing
June 20, 2009 - June 13, 2009

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Women Rockers

Bianca Jagger. She sure did look the part. But that's not the requirement. Is it?

ROCK ON, LADIES. It can't escape your attention that we've been hard on women the past week or so. So it's only appropriate that we give recognition to the distaff side of the rock and rollers we've been encouraging you to consult for a passion injection. Call it penance. To us, that sounds too negative, though. We're pleased to write about real female talent. There's a lot of it, and it's sad to see so much of it twisted these days into bureaucratic hermaphroditism. Women really should be women. That's what they're best at. (Gay pride notwithstanding.)

To this end, we've pored through thousands of rock videos (not really), looking for the Top Ten rockingest broads in music. Criteria? Not country. Not R&B. Not jazz. Not pop. We're talking rockers here. And unlike the previous post on rock videos, we don't have to be concerned about timing. Some of these babes recorded before the age of MTV and that's fine. Although before we do the Top Ten, we'll also give a nod to some girls who had the right look, attitude, and sound to make a video top ten list:  Till Tuesday, Roxette, Annie Lennox, and Cyndi Lauper. See? Lots of talent cast aside because there's so much to choose from.

But here are the women who were magnetic, steeped in the music, and HOT, good looking or not. I will also stipulate that Mrs. IP kibbitzed intensively on this list. She was spotlessly objective throughout, and the Number One she insisted on was not even one she personally likes. So fight all you want. But this IS the List.

10.  Joan Jett.

She's a rocker, this girl. I personally fell in love wuth her when she rerecorded "Crimson and Clover" by Tommy James and the Shondells, which in my day was regarded as the most erotic song ever to sneak past the censors. For a woman to record it? Cool. No. uh, Hot.

9.  Pat Benatar

What a set of pipes this girl had. And that pouty mouth. Pouty but mean. And she knew how to strut.

And she could sing.

8. Heart.

Never cared that Ann Wilson was a big girl. All that volume and resonance has to come from somewhere. Somewhere big and deep.

Imagine hearing your own wife belting
out her love for you this way. Go on. Try.

7.  Courtney Love.

Talent's important. But not the most important thing in rock. Wanting it matters too. Courtney wanted it. Wanted everything. Maybe too much.

Take everything? They did.

6.  Patti Smith.

Scrawny, plain, wild animal of a girl. She was a groupie. What she needed was to be a rock star. More than anyone else has ever needed it. She got it.

Talent? Not really. Star? Absolutely. Punk? The Most Ever.

5.  Blondie.

Screw Madonna. Not that everyone hasn't already. This is the one who made the "Marilyn" thing work on the rock and roll stage. Sexy and feminine. Easier said than done.

Unique sound. Unique look. Until Madonna stole it.

4.  Grace Slick.

Vassar girl. Drank champagne by the case. Perfect Marxist. For a rock star.

BUT. She was a presence on stage like few others.

3.  Ronnie Spector.

This little girl could stop your heart in a single measure. Good God Almighty she was a force to be reckoned with. Sinners were converted by jukeboxes that had her records playing on them. Me included.

Hearts still melt when she holds that note.

2.  Tina Turner

What can you say? French protestations to the contrary, Tina invented sex. It was a great invention.

And a bonus. Tina and Mick here.

1.  Janis Joplin.

Ugly, dirty, and graceless. But on stage a raw, stabbing weapon of passion. Life stripped naked. It doesn't matter if you love her or hate her. She just is. Or was -- until life ate her.

There you have it. We're hard on women here. But we're hard on men, too. We admire them both. When they live up to their promise.

Helping Out.

Side Effects: Remote possibility of increased emotional stability,
improved logical reasoning capability, and reduced incidence of
violent psychotic breaks caused by gender and ethnic hatreds.

. First it was Sonia DeSoto's broken ankle. Now it's Hillary's broken elbow. Time to bone up on bones, ladies. Can you remember to take one pill once a month? Hard, I admit, but doable, don't you think? Yes, there are side effects and, yes, it is possible that they could destroy your careers by turning you into rational human beings unfettered by seething resentments about everything all those evil white men have always done to subjugate and humiliate and ridicule and oppress you, but what the hey. At least you'd have a chance to enter your golden years on your own two feet instead of a geriatric scooter chair.

No? Well, we thought that's what you'd say. So we have a fallback position. Maybe it's time to get a lot better at assault and battery. We understand that Bill makes you mad enough to pop a vein, Hillary, but there are ways to throw your elbows around without concluding the hostilities in the emergency room.

Bill won't even know what hit him. Cool, huh?

And, Sonia, it's vitally important for you to understand the exact techniques those savage white trash gringos use to maim your ankles when you dismiss their appeals without reading them. Forewarned is forearmed, they say. Maybe you won't believe us, but you should be able to find it in your heart to listen to Angel Perez, even if he does have a penis. Nobody's perfect.

Best advice? Learn when to Tap Out, Sonia.

All right. Forget I said anything. It was just an idea. A lame idea. By an evil old white man. So sue me. uh, forget that too. It was just a figure of speech. Glass-boned biddies from Yale Law School may not know how to execute a takedown without crippling themselves, but they sure know how to sue any old bugger who irritates them. Forget the whole thing.


Except the Boniva part. We'd really really like you to take that pill.

Is it just me?

... Or is $134 billion a LOT of money?
The pic shows $206 million. That's 0.0015 of the total we're talking about here.

SIMPLE ARITHMETIC IS ALL WE CAN HANDLE. Did you miss this story when it crept into the MSM last week on little cat's feet? Probably. I saw it but then it vanished without a trace. The press silence is almost as big a scandal as the facts, which are still remarkably unclear. From today's Bloomberg:

Suitcase With $134 Billion Puts Dollar on Edge: William Pesek

June 17 (Bloomberg) -- It’s a plot better suited for a John Le Carre novel.

Two Japanese men are detained in Italy after allegedly attempting to take $134 billion worth of U.S. bonds over the border into Switzerland. Details are maddeningly sketchy, so naturally the global rumor mill is kicking into high gear.

Are these would-be smugglers agents of Kim Jong Il stashing North Korea’s cash in a Swiss vault? Bagmen for Nigerian Internet scammers? Was the money meant for terrorists looking to buy nuclear warheads? Is Japan dumping its dollars secretly? Are the bonds real or counterfeit?

The implications of the securities being legitimate would be bigger than investors may realize. At a minimum, it would suggest that the U.S. risks losing control over its monetary supply on a massive scale.

The trillions of dollars of debt the U.S. will issue in the next couple of years needs buyers. Attracting them will require making sure that existing ones aren’t losing faith in the U.S.’s ability to control the dollar.

The dollar is, for better or worse, the core of our world economy and it’s best to keep it stable. News that’s more fitting for international spy novels than the financial pages won’t help that effort. It is incumbent upon the U.S. Treasury to get to the bottom of this tale and keep markets informed.

GDP Carriers

Think about it: These two guys were carrying the gross domestic product of New Zealand or enough for three Beijing Olympics. If economies were for sale, the men could buy Slovakia and Croatia and have plenty left over for Mongolia or Cambodia. Yes, they could have built vacation homes amidst Genghis Khan’s Gobi Desert or the famed Temples of Angkor. Bernard Madoff who?

These men carrying bonds concealed in the bottom of their luggage also would be the fourth-largest U.S. creditors. It makes you wonder if some of the time Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner spends keeping the Chinese and Japanese invested in dollars should be devoted to well-financed men crossing the Italian-Swiss border.

This tale has gotten little attention in markets, perhaps because of the absurdity of our times. The last year has been a decidedly disorienting one for capitalists who once knew up from down, red from black and risk from reward. It almost fits with the surreal nature of today that a couple of travelers have more U.S. debt than Brazil in a suitcase and, well, that’s life.

Clancy Bestseller

You can almost picture Tom Clancy sitting in his study thinking: “Damn! Why didn’t I think of this yarn and novelize it years ago?” He could have sprinkled in a Chinese angle, a pinch of Russian intrigue, a dose of Pyongyang and a bit of Taiwan-Strait tension into the mix. Presto, a sure bestseller.

Daniel Craig may be thinking this is a great story on which to base the next James Bond flick. Perhaps Don Johnson could buy the rights to this tale. In 2002, the “Miami Vice” star was stopped by German customs officers as he was traveling in a car carrying credit notes and other securities worth as much as $8 billion. Now he could claim it was all, uh, research.

When I first heard of the $134 billion story, I was tempted to glance at my calendar to make sure it didn’t read April 1.

Let’s assume for a moment that these U.S. bonds are real. That would make a mockery of Japanese Finance Minister Kaoru Yosano’s “absolutely unshakable” confidence in the credibility of the U.S. dollar. Yosano would have some explaining to do about Japan’s $686 billion of U.S. debt if more of these suitcase capers come to light.

‘Kennedy Bonds’

Counterfeit $100 bills are one thing; two guys with undeclared bonds including 249 certificates worth $500 million and 10 “Kennedy bonds” of $1 billion each is quite another.

The bust could be a boon for Italy. If the securities are found to be genuine, the smugglers could be fined 40 percent of the total value for attempting to take them out of the country. Not a bad payday for a government grappling with a widening budget deficit and rebuilding the town of L’Aquila, which was destroyed by an earthquake in April.

It would be terrible news for the White House. Other than the U.S., China or Japan, no other nation could theoretically move those amounts. In the absence of clear explanations coming from the Treasury, conspiracy theories are filling the void.

On his blog, the Market Ticker, Karl Denninger wonders if the Treasury “has been surreptitiously issuing bonds to, say, Japan, as a means of financing deficits that someone didn’t want reported over the last, oh, say 10 or 20 years.” Adds Denninger: “Let’s hope we get those answers, and this isn’t one of those ‘funny things’ that just disappears into the night.”

This is still a story with far more questions than answers. It’s odd, though, that it’s not garnering more media attention. Interest is likely to grow. The last thing Geithner and Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke need right now is tens of billions more of U.S. bonds -- or even high-quality fake ones -- suddenly popping up around the globe.

Huh? What? $134 billion? In a suitcase? I mean, that adds up to some real money. Where's the network news? Where are the 24/7 cable news channels? Where's the front page of the New York Times? The Washington Post? Talking about slutty flight attendants and old-lady fractures.


I mean. WTF.

Do any of you know anything about this?

Wednesday, June 17, 2009


Ahdumjihad. The Greeks knew what to do with Persians. What's changed?

RILED UP, ARE WE?  Nobody in this country understands Iran. Let me repeat that. Nobody in this country understands Iran. They're barbarians in the midst of a national tantrum. Barbarians are swarming the streets to protest the actions of the barbarians they have persistently refused to overthrow and imprison. Big whoop. Obama might even be right to ignore it, though probably for all the wrong reasons. (Amazingly, he still seems to think they're reasonable men who can be negotiated with. I mean, doesn't everybody want to kill all the Jews?) That's why I haven't commented on the current contretemps. A fake democracy had a fake election, and everyone comes out of the woodwork to choose sides when there is only one side with a soupcon of nuance: "Religion of Hatred Less Taste" versus "Religion of Hatred Less Filling". But since everyone in America -- including, apparently, InstaPunk readers who were bored by our much more interesting entry about dinosaurs -- has to obsess about the current crisis in Persia (why isn't this enough?), I am responding by pointing at some previous entries that aren't, unlike everyone else's, compromised by current events:

There's really nothing else. Unless you count Obama's criminally ignorant mythologizing about history and world affairs. But who's counting these days?

Well, I'm counting. And taking names.

Women Are Nuts

Julia O'Malley. Yes, she's a
bitch but I still love my wife.

MAUREEN ISN'T ALONE. It's not the Irish thing. It's not the South Park "ginger" thing. I have an Irish, red-headed, left-handed wife, and more importantly, I have an Irish, red-headed, left-handed stepdaughter -- who is, not coincidentally, beautiful -- and I've watched both of them pay the price with other women for their indisputable intellectual superiority. Which is pretty much absolute. My wife majored in mathematics with a minor in Russian and German, and I pretend that my major in Englsh with a minor in history and coursework in French, Latin, and Greek complements that somehow, while her daughter, equipped with all her mother's smarts without the degree, experiences the constant scorn of, who else, but other women. You can see it in her face, still beautiful, not even beaten, but wronged and just a little baffled. She talks about each incident as if it were unique. It doesn't occur to her that looks are part of the problem. She wears no makeup. She's all bone and bone structure. How could anybody resent a whip-smart woman who just happens to be whip-thin and whip-tongued too?

Easy. Here's Anchorage columnist Julia O'Malley on the subject of Sarah Palin:

Palin: Just because she bugs you doesn't mean she isn't right

I wasn’t surprised when I watched David Letterman’s jokes about Sarah Palin last week. I wasn’t particularly outraged, either. In fact, to be honest, I laughed a little.

For anyone who missed it, the latest scandal in Palin world unfolded after the governor and her husband objected to Letterman’s jokes about Palin looking like a “slutty flight attendant” and her daughter (either Willow or Bristol, depending on how you read it) getting “knocked up” by Alex Rodriguez. Letterman made a weak apology. Palin went on the “Today” show. People organized a “Fire David Letterman” rally. Letterman made a more serious apology. And then Palin Facebooked that she accepted it on behalf of young women everywhere.

My first thought when I watched the clip of Letterman’s jokes at my desk last week was this: Hot lady winks at debates and wears Naughty Monkey pumps and encourages her daughter, the teen mom, to talk about not having sex on national television, and now she’s mad somebody made some sexist jokes? She opened the door. And, Letterman (who isn’t above going lowbrow for a laugh) just walked through it.

And I wasn’t alone. My Facebook filled with messages about how Palin was asking for trouble. Over the weekend, at the Alaska Run for Women, the governor’s flap came up in several conversations. I didn’t hear a lot of sympathy. I did hear questions about the timing. Palin and her family have been victims of sexism since they came to the national stage. Why didn’t she complain about the incest joke on “Saturday Night Live” last fall? Or the Eminem video where she’s depicted as a porn star? It seemed like opportunism. She is no feminist, people kept saying.

“My young female students react to her,” a former teacher of mine told me as we ran together for a while on the trail. “They really, really dislike her.”

I thought about that for the next mile or so. Most of the women I talked to didn’t agree with Palin politically, but I wondered about their reaction, and my reaction for that matter. Part of it was about politics, but it was about something else, too.

The last time I saw Palin in person was in November at Kaladi Brothers in Wasilla. It was early in the morning on Election Day. She was wearing old jeans and a Carhartt jacket, but she still seemed electric, sipping her white chocolate mocha as she smiled into a mob of cameras.

Palin has “that thing” people often ascribe to male politicians like Bill Clinton and Barack Obama and Ronald Reagan. She’s warm, photogenic, telegenic, spunky and easy on the eyes. In male politicians, people call it charisma, but for women, the same quality is more complicated. My guy friends, especially the ones who voted for her, boil it down to one word: hotness.

Hotness is a volatile commodity in the world of politics that can rally supporters and generate suspicion all at once. Think of the prettiest girl in high school. She’s loved. She’s envied. She’s sexualized. People make assumptions about how smart she is. A lot of successful women in politics dial the hotness back. Think Hillary. Think pantsuit and sensible haircut. Palin embraces the hot in her knee-high black boots and lipstick. And that’s part of what makes her so controversial.

Palin’s hotness along with her Lifetime movie personal story made her famous. Standing on the stage of the Republican National Convention, she was the beautiful beating heart of the ticket. It continues to fuel her celebrity.

It’s also a liability that makes her fodder for late-night jokes. And it does something else, too. Palin’s hotness makes women resent her.

I looked out on a sea of women runners filling the trail ahead of me. They wore pink for breast cancer awareness. They’d written the names of their mothers and sisters and friends who’d died of cancer on their shirts. There we were, all moving together down the same path.

Sure, some of us don’t like Palin’s politics, but we should pay attention to what else is going on. I laughed a little when I watched Letterman’s jokes. It wasn’t because they were funny. It was because they were mean. And somehow watching someone be mean to America’s Hottest Governor felt good. And, that wasn’t feminist at all.

The fact is, even with the pumps and the winking, she didn’t deserve it. Maybe Palin is an opportunist, maybe she’s a drama queen, maybe she’s using a feminist argument to make political hay, but in this case her underlying point is right on. Letterman was gross and out of line, no matter which daughter he was talking about. Making Letterman apologize was a win for her and for women everywhere.

There are plenty of reasons to disagree with Palin, and there might even been some reasons to dislike her.

But hotness shouldn’t be one of them.

Really. How tolerant of you. Let me reiterate the key sentences: "I laughed a little when I watched Letterman’s jokes. It wasn’t because they were funny. It was because they were mean. And somehow watching someone be mean to America’s Hottest Governor felt good." Felt good? Sure. Like watching the most popular cheerleader get gang-raped by the basketball team. We can all relate to that. Or can we?

I repeat: Women are nuts. Men like strong women. Other women hate them. Not all women. But most women. What a fucking tragedy.

Something men need to get a lot smarter about. Cows hate alpha females. And there are lots and lots of cows. Is that politically incorrect? Hillary moos and they love her. Michelle Obama moos and they pretend she's a fashion plate. Women who don't moo are whores, bitches, and worse. Just ask the liberated women who know. The liberated women you know. The mediocrities with no trace of mercy in their souls. Meaning, most women.

Men ARE morally superior to women. They care about each other AND women. Strange, huh? Most women don't care about either. Don't start... I know they care about their babies. The ones they carried to full term and delivered, that is. They love them to the exclusion of all else, including marriage, family, and religion. Go figure. Women are nuts. Pagans. As they always have been from the beginning of time. Except for the exceptions. Like those pitiiful patent leather Catholic girls. (Which, if one of them ever loved you, would change the course of your life forever...) But the ones they hate the most -- the ones they really really HATE -- are other women. No politics that doesn't comprehend this fact can ever govern successfully. Good luck, Madame Sotomayor. Hah. Gooood luck.

Sorry. I know I'm completely wrong. Except that I'm absolutely right. As usual.

Always always right. It gets to be a burden after a while.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Ostriches aren't goofy velociraptors apparently.

OK. IT'S TRUE. WE'VE LAUGHED ABOUT THIS BEFORE. Relax. This isn't going to be a big anti-evolution tirade. It's more of a chuckling follow-up to a previous post on the newly discovered Missing Link. Also a matter of some purely personal and distinctly uncharitable delight. I'll get to that part later. I actually anticipated this latest development might happen. Why? Because, as I referenced in the Missing Link piece, some scientist has recently been brave enough to propose the following heresy:

Giant Pterosaurs Couldn't Fly, Study Suggests

Giant pterosaurs, colossal winged reptiles that lived alongside the dinosaurs, have long been considered the heaviest animals ever to take to the skies.

But new research suggests that the notion of giant pterosaurs soaring over Earth simply doesn't fly.

Based on the weights and body sizes of modern birds, a new study finds that animals heavier than 90 pounds (41 kilograms) with wingspans greater than 16.7 feet (5.1 meters) wouldn't be able to flap fast enough to stay aloft.

The conclusion casts serious doubt on the flying ability of large pterosaurs such as Quetzalcoatlus, thought to be one of the largest airborne animals of all time.

Not dispositive about the dinosaur-bird link obviously, but a blow to the whole image of that postulated link unquestionably. Now comes this:

Discovery Raises New Doubts About Dinosaur-bird Links

ScienceDaily (June 9, 2009) — Researchers at Oregon State University have made a fundamental new discovery about how birds breathe and have a lung capacity that allows for flight – and the finding means it's unlikely that birds descended from any known theropod dinosaurs.

Hmmm. There's also a helpful graphic whose caption puts the problem in a nutshell:

During walking and running in birds, hindlimb
movement is generated primarily at the knee and
ankle joints; in humans, movement occurs at the
knee, ankle and hip joints. The bird's thigh does
not move substantially from its nearly horizontal
position where it provides rigid lateral support to
the thin walled air-sacs of the respiratory system.
(Credit: Image courtesy of Oregon State University)

One fun thing about this story is the peek it gives us under the skirts of official science. (Go ahead. Read the whole thing.) For example:

OSU research on avian biology and physiology was among the first in the nation to begin calling into question the dinosaur-bird link since the 1990s. Other findings have been made since then, at OSU and other institutions, which also raise doubts. But old theories die hard, Ruben said, especially when it comes to some of the most distinctive and romanticized animal species in world history.

"Frankly, there's a lot of museum politics involved in this, a lot of careers committed to a particular point of view even if new scientific evidence raises questions," Ruben said. In some museum displays, he said, the birds-descended-from-dinosaurs evolutionary theory has been portrayed as a largely accepted fact, with an asterisk pointing out in small type that "some scientists disagree."

Museum politics, eh? Do tell. That's where the personal delight comes in. This guy has made a whole celebrity career for himself out of the dino-bird connection:

Professor Robert T. Bakker. You'll
never see him without that silly hat.

I once saw him close some television documentary on the subject carving up a Thanksgiving turkey -- still in the hat -- while informing us he was peparing to feast on dinosaur flesh. He was so very very sure of himself. Although I did also see a less flamboyant skeptic who used a plastic T-Rex dinosaur falling off a tree limb to illustrate the absurdity of the thory. Probably the single funnniest presentation I've ever seen on the subject of paleontology. But he was, if I recollect rightly, an ornithologist. Maybe studying goony birds and penguins nourishes the sense of humor. Paleontologists don't seem to have any. It would undermine their exorbitant certainty about creatures they've never seen alive and whole except in a Spielberg movie.

Any chance we'll be seeing a similar chink in the armor of "forensic climatologists" some day soon? You doubt it? I do too. There's a lot more money at stake in Global Warming orthodoxy than in dino religion. Blasphemers don't just get laughed at and ignored. They get their careers extincted.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Presidential Football
Locked and Loaded

Ready at a Moment's Notice.

REMEMBER TO DUCK. The infamous presidential "football" is a solemn reminder of the crushing responsibilities borne by our Commander-in-Chief. Now, with North Korea threatening nuclear war, almost-nuclear Iran defying the world with a Soviet-style show of force against its own people, and loose-cannon Pakistan hinting it's not sure it can keep its nukes out of Taliban hands, President Obama is boldly taking charge of the deteriorating international situation by giving a speech about his trillion-dollar hostile takeover of American healthcare to the American Medical Association.

But don't be alarmed. If something breaks bad out there and the world's lenses look to the president for a decisive response, the football is stocked with all "the right stuff" a commander-in-chief could ever need:

Foundation, highlights, mascara, brushes & pencils for any camera setting.

Never doubt that we're in capable hands. When dark days come, he'll shine like a Hollywood star.

(Don't listen, Penny, Maggie, Angela, or Betty.)

For those who are YouTube-challenged, here's the link.

IN THE BLOOD. The worst friends are old friends. After I did my rock video post, this guy started tormenting me with Muskrat Love by the Captain and Tenniel and then something even worse by Barry Manilow. I waterboarded him back with My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion, but it's not enough. That's why this post. Torture has to be stopped in its tracks.

Apologies to everyone who is legitimately offended.

UPDATE. Thanks for the moral support, Apoth; such a pertinent quote in the O-time. (Though we're concerned about Penny's mental health. Even if that's not a new concern.) (And Maggie? You go, lassie! I'm still cringing from being reminded of CSNY's Ohio. Och.) In light of the ethnic theme of the post, it seems like a good time to clear up what may be mysteries for some. The main graphic in the video above is the flag of Scotland, which is also the cross of St. Andrew, the most important compositional (and character) component of the Union Jack. As an aside, I'll share that Mrs. IP and I were married at St. Andrew's Church, though the song featured here was not played. The score was mostly Stones and AC/DC, as it will be again at my funeral, after my Irish wife gets tired of her evil Scotsman and relandscapes his noggin with a blackthorn shillelagh. Anyway. Where were we? Oh yes. AC/DC. A commenter on the Hard Rock Video post felt obliged to point out that AC/DC was an Aussie not a Scottish band. I replied with a joke. But in this context, it's appropriate to provide more information. AC/DC was founded by Malcolm and Angus MacBethYoung. The lead singer who led the band to superstardom was Bon Scott, born in Scotland. He was also buried in Scotland. Additionally, as Brizoni was alert enough to point out, AC/DC was likewise the only rock band to demonstrate that the bagpipes were probably the first rock and roll instrument -- by about two thousand years. Here's the proof:

It's pretty hard to resist the conclusion that they're evil Scotsmen too. Not all of us are in Scotland. Did the Vikings all stay in Norway? Barbarians are inherently nomadic, as the ancient Romans would be willing to attest. (Or they wouldn't have found it necessary to spend a trillion lira building Hadrian's Wall.) Now that that's settled, could you all send us some money? Just till next week? We're expecting a bequest from our uncle then. As soon as he drops dead. On our sword. Which is, regrettably, still in the mail. So, whatever you could do in the meantime...

UPDATE 2. Just for Penny. What trolls are.

Celts always know.

But we all love you anyway. Honestly. This place wouldn't be quite the same without you. It's no secret that you're smarter than you let on, but you yourself have praised the "performance" aspect of, uh, those people who live under the bridge and assail passersby. Where else are you going to find such a welcoming audience for your performance art? In future, though, just remember that my name is JockInstaPunk.

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