Instapun*** Archive Listing

Archive Listing
January 2, 2009 - December 26, 2008

Thursday, January 01, 2009

The Dark Knights of the Internet:

And Now to War...

TruePunk, CountryPunk, Instapunk, and LocoPunk. On the job in 2009.

SHAMMADAMMA. President Nobama is the most admired man in America. Nobody wants to upset his little self, perhaps in fear that his wife will flay them alive and eat their still quivering flesh. So the National Review is making nice, and Fox News is making nice, and all the righty blogs are lost in a wilderness of doubt about what it might or could (or should) mean to be a Republican in the New Age of the New New Deal.

But our crew is not making nice. They want you to have a happy new year, but they don't think you will. If you choose to disagree, go for it. Really. GO FOR IT. Just one word of warning: Most of them you don't want to mess with. Collectively, they're known as the new Shuteye Train, the re-awakened dead ones with an ax to grind. And if you cross scrivers with them, they'll flat-out kill you. Metaphorically speaking -- for all you politically correct pussies.

Actually, it's not a warning. It's a promise. Here's the real deal, O You Lefty Bloggers. We're smarter than you are. We know more. We're older. We're braver. We're more ruthless and more scrupulous. We're armored in faith. We're what Ace would like to be and never can be: The Knights Templar of the Right. And we're immortal. As in "we can never die" immortal. When one of us falls, two more rise to take his place. Brizoni. Lake. Penny. Alfa, Chain Gang. Even the unlikeliest punk of all, Susie. If and when your signatory ever goes down, she will devour every one.

E - v - e - r - y   O - n - e.

We are the Shuteye Train. Hide at night and dread our banner. Sue for peace in a lowly stammer. Our tracks abide.


Wednesday, December 31, 2008

The Top Ten Most of 2008

ALWAYS AHEAD OF THE CURVE. Yes, it's our first annual Top Ten list. Everybody else is doing it. We've been named to at least two of them. So now it's our turn.  Herewith, without further ado or explanation, OUR list.

10. Plaxico Burress.

What kind of a name is Plaxico anyway? We'd want to shoot ourself.

9.  Aice of Sppades.

He just rule, doesn't that?

8.  The Reverend Wright.

He'd be more higher on the Most, but who remembers anything about him anymore?

7.  Hugh Hewitt.

How about that Mitt Romney? He's a winner for sure. But buy Hugh's book quick, before it becomes the Most remaindered.

6.  Bill Quick of DailyPundit.

Speaking of 'quick:' Mark his words. He's going to save the country. How Most can you get?

5.  Bill Ayers.

If the Most can ever be the Least, then the press must be involved. Even so, you've got to admit he put in the hours.

4. John McCain.

And speaking of the Least for just another second.... although this one should probably be Sarah Palin instead. Like the campaign, but, uh, I guess that would be a different list altogether.

3. Bill Clinton.

That's right, not a typo. Bill, not Hillary. It was never really about anything but him, was it? Proving that if you're the Most oncet, you can be the Most twicet. Like Pascal said. Or somebody.

2.  Barack and Michelle Obama.

The Most by any definition. Except for...

1.  The Mainstream Media.

Think about it. How many adjectives could you apply to them preceded by the word "Most"? Practically half the goddamn thesaurus of pejoratives.

We're sorry to disappoint everyone who put the wrong people on their Top Ten lists, and that goes more and maybe even most to the lefty bloggers who thought they were the definitive judges of 2008. Unfortunately, they were only the biggest suckers -- for an act even they'll be tired of before we have to work our fingers to the bone compiling this list again.

Feel free to comment, disagree, or come up with your own pointless superlatives. Just remember that NOBODY CARES about end of year top ten lists. AT ALL.

Happy New Year, everybody. Heartfelt. (Especially to Iowahawk, our nominee for Blogger of the Year.)

Now we have to go soak our damn fingers and get ready for the typing to come.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

'Delusional' Genius

Perfect on so many levels.

TRIED TO WARN YOU. I've been ignoring politics throughout the Christmas break, but I just happened on the Blago news conference at which he announced Ron Burris as his Senate pick to replace Brack Obama. No, Blago's not delusional. He's a shameless Chicago pol who still has a set of downs to play, and by golly, he's going to them play them. This one was a beaut. He takes the ball at his own one yard line and hurls a 99 yard pass into the end zone to throw the whole contest into overtime.

Wow. Cool . Perfect, even. I watched Fox news fumble the return kickoff (you can tell what I've been watching instead of politics) with a Republican "political strategist" from Illinois and a Democrat "political strategist" from a Chicago escort service. The former was interested only in defending the political reputation(?!) of Illinois, and the latter was interested only in showing off her bee-stung lips and affirming the fact that any sort of actual election would be too expensive at this particular point in time, so why not go with the governor's choice? (I mean, who really needs elections anyway?)

I quickly switched to MSNBC to see what the national Democrat spin would be since Fox wasn't going to talk about anything relevant. Nora O'Donnell was flabbergasted and speechless, so she deferred to twenty minutes of the press conference being held by the apolitical and nonpartisan Democratic Lieutenant Governor of Illinois, who seemed, well, somewhat over-anxious to impeach a governor he appeared to know nothing whatever about and put the business of the people of Illinois back in the hands of a Democrat governor. You know, a non-corrupt Democrat governor, the kind who wouldn't sell out his all his associates, friends, and family to gain control of the office.

After the mad scramble that was undoubtedly occurring during this colossal waste of time, Nora returned with a Democrat political strategist -- also from Chicago -- who was at pains to point out that the Democrat-controlled state legislature, which had only recently been rescued from the terrible Republicans, has been unable to pass legislation authorizing a special election because of fears that the nearly extinct Republican Party in Illinois might somehow, based on momentary voter perceptions of corruption or something like that(?), actually succeed in stealing Obama's U.S. Senate seat for the party of Lincoln, which would be wholly unacceptable in what he referred to as the "Land of Lincoln." He was at equal pains to point out that Ron Burris, the governor's senate appointee, didn't have that distinguished a record in Illinois politics, despite the fact that he had never been convicted of a felony. (Who knew there were such people in Illinois?) I mean, he seemed to be saying, it wasn't like Burris was Martin Luther King or Jesse Jackson or somebody like that, even though Jesse Jackson joined Mr. Burris on the podium in obvious endorsement of his appointment.

All of which means that we haven't even reached Inauguration Day and the first questions we asked about an Obama presidency are already sitting front and center on the table. Way back in September 2007, when the Jena controvery arose, we raised an alarm flag:

If Obama takes the bait being dangled before him by Sharpton and Jackson and charges into the fray like an outraged civil rights leader of old, he will cease to be what he has seemed thus far to many middle-of-the-road voters, a presidential candidate who is an American first and a black man second. This would be a fatal shift in perception. It's not that Americans can't understand the rationale for black first, American second. They can and most likely do. It's that they probably won't elect a President of the United States who puts 13 percent of the population above the other 87 percent in his priorities.

On the other hand, if Obama tries to distance himself from the most extreme rhetoric of the Sharptons et al, he will risk losing the reflexive black vote that constitutes the most monolithically reliable bloc of the Democrat Party. The "not black enough" charge has always been out there waiting, whether or not Jesse Jackson actually voiced it in so many words. What Obama can't overcome without the active support of traditional African-American leadership is that he is not really an African-American. He is, by accident of birth, half-African, and first-generation at that. He cannot claim the legacy of slavery in his ancestry and  the forgiveness for every conceivable misstep that entails, the forgiveness that enables Marion Berry, William Jefferson, and Alcee Hastings to keep getting elected to high office despite abundant evidence of corruption, incompetence, and outright criminality. He will always be suspect and always subject to the whims of the aging black power structure.

The saddest part of Obama's Hobson's choice is what it says about that aging black power structure. In forcing his hand this way, they seem to be saying that they don't really want a black President of the United States.

And here is that Hobson's choice already, before he has even been sworn in. Nora O'Donnell and the white Democrats of MSNBC seemed to be astonished and outraged that Ron Burris would accept an appointment to the Senate by an obviously corrupt governor. They also seemed naively confident that the threats of a 100 percent white Democrat senate membership would be carried out -- to block the seating of the man who would be the only African-American senator in the U.S. Congress. Really? You know what I mean?

Which puts Obama on a ridiculously hot spot. He's screwed no matter what he does. You see, Ron Burris did accept the appointment, and other old-time civil rights leaders endorsed it, which is incredibly embarrassing in its own right. It suggests that African-Americans really do participate in our democracy in a manner akin to the tribal one-party 'democracies' that have turned sub-Saharan Africa into a bloodbath. How can President-elect Obama endorse, at any level, the idea that it just doesn't matter how you acquire power as long as you do? How can he endorse that idea specifically in the context of all the unanswered questions about his own rise to power in what is just now being revealed as one of the most corrupt political environments in the United States of America? If he tells the Democrats in the U.S. Congress to pipe down and accept Burris, he's planted a flag of race allegiance above all else within his own party. He begins to resemble, however faintly, Robert Mugabe.

If he denounces the Burris appointment, he is defying the very people within his own strongest voting bloc who have always suspected him of being an opportunist and a danger to the continued influence of civil rights organizations who have been clinging to life for a long tme now on the basis of tradition and little else. He will begin to seem a traitor to all the people who thought his election would change all the old rules forever. Which is what, amazingly enough, an awful lot of them seemed to think.

He'll also be throwing a huge monkey wrench into the Caroline Kennedy appointment to the senate, because Ron Burris has far more offiicial qualifications to be a U.S. Senator than the girl child of the prior Chosen One ever had.

And he'll be telling the American people as a whole that this really is the way politics works in America, especially in heavily Democratic regions like Chicago, where unions, race and other ethnicities, and uinprincipled power brokers whose names we'll never even know determine what happens in every election, regardless of what we believe about the phantom "Voice of the People." He'll be telling them Democrats really are as bad as Democrats keep saying Republicans are.

I'm sure he'll wriggle out of it somehow. It's just that there is a moment, right now, when everyone in the country could really get a glimpse of who Obama is and how everything works.

If they wanted to.

Friday, December 26, 2008

C'est Si Mal

PURRRRR. Sad news for the holidays. Eartha Kitt is dead. Back in the fifties and sixties, people thought Peggy Lee was sophisticated and sexy. She was. But not like Eartha Kitt. She was so sophisticated you could believe she'd answer in French if you woke her out of a sound sleep at night. And she oozed sex. No, not sex appeal. Sex. Is there sex in the afterlife? Now there is.

Au revoir, Mademoiselle Kitt. We will miss you.

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