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May 20, 2007 - May 13, 2007

Friday, May 18, 2007


La Cuenta de Inmigración

El futuro glorioso de Los Ángeles.

LA VIDA BUENA. Los conservadores son locos como una gallina mojada sobre la cuenta de inmigración esto saca actualmente su camino por delante de la frontera de cordura en la ley de la tierra. No hay ningún texto actual aún, pero esto es la parte de lo que hace el proceso corrupto entero tan perfeccione. Los senadores y los miembros del Congreso de ambos partidos pueden afirmar que la cuenta es lo que ellos necesitan que esto para ser satisfaga a sus componentes, voto para ello, y luego culpe cualquier enfermo consecuencias en provisiones que ellos no podían haber visto posiblemente en el momento de su voto porque nada había sido anotado entonces. Esto parece que debería trabajar para cada uno.

Hay sólo un problema, y esto es uno grande. Tan grande que esto es la razón presentamos este en español. Todo usted los emigrantes ilegales realmente tienen que tomar la nota de lo que continúa en las mentes febriles de conservadores ahora mismo. Si su magnífico plan trabaja, los perdedores más grandes de todos serán finalmente usted, sus familias inmediatas, y las decenas de miles de parásitos ociosos que usted apoya atrás en México.

El abogado más vocal de este plan es el Ace of Spades, a quien usted nunca ha oído de porque él escribe exclusivamente en inglés. Aquí está lo que él impulsa a cada uno a hacer:

Aquí está mi Alarma de Acción Importante oficial:

Cada Republicano que considera este un éxito de taquilla debería, dentro de la próxima semana (el más rápido mejor) cambian su afiliación de partido "del Republicano" a algo más...

Una ola gigante de Republicanos que cambian su afiliación a Indpendent, Libertario, Reforma, Partido de Constitución, infierno, hasta Demócratas agarrará su atención bastante maldita rápido.

Las llamadas y los correos electrónicos y las cartas no serán ignorados.

La decadencia repentina de Republicanos certificados en el 50 % no será.

¿Tiene usted la imaginación de entender qué este podría significar? Probablemente no, pero trataremos de explicar. Cuando la mitad de los Republicanos abandona el partido y rechaza votar a favor de los candidatos que los engañaron, los Estados Unidos se caerán completamente en las manos de los Demócratas, que ganan tanto presidencia como mayorías overwelming en el Senado y Casa. Ellos también se harán automáticamente responsables de todo lo incorrecto en el país. Y cuando la inundación de la inmigración ilegal incontrolada sigue y crece - usted de toda la gente sabe que este es exactamente lo que pasará - los gastos que se intensifican de su asistencia médica libre, educación libre, sus cuadrillas juveniles violentas, su no pago de impuestos, y las burocracias bilingües requeridas fingir que el gobierno contiene de alguna manera sus miserias alcanzará rápidamente un punto de ruptura. ¿Qué pasa entonces?

Desastre. Eso es en que la mayoría Democrática aplastante realizará que ellos no necesitan sus votos más. Y ellos realizarán que ellos pueden culparle sin peligro para todo que esto se equivoca, incluso su propio gasto excesivo, su propio fracaso de proteger la seguridad nacional, y su propia inhabilidad de extraer cualquier clase de la productividad de las burocracias del gobierno enormes que ellos viven para crear.

Usted se hará parias. Los demagogos más talentosos del partido de demagogos le apuntarán. Y los Estados Unidos de América recordarán de repente que si bastantes personas quieren que ello pase, realmente es posible deportar a todos ustedes atrás a landfull vacío del apoyo del que usted avanzó lentamente.

Por supuesto, usted no se preocupa por ninguno de este. Aún. Pero usted no es solo. La gente americana en conjunto no se preocupa bastante por ninguno de este. Aún.

De este modo, mientras usted se sienta allí y exige la lista larga de derechos usted no nació con, pero piensa que usted ha robado con éxito por el magnífico acto de revelar, el más elegante de usted debería esperar que este fraude colosal de una cuenta no pase y el plan del As no tiene que ser puesto en práctica en la venganza. Por último no hay ningún almuerzo libre. Tal vez hoy, mañana, y el próximo año hay. Pero la cantidad debida sigue haciendo más grande si usted lo paga o no, y allí vendrá un día cuando el cobrador viene llamando a su puerta con una tropa enojada detrás de él.

¿Nadie más le dice esto? Bien, intentamos.

APRIETE 1 PARA EL INGLÉS DEL SUDOESTE.
APRIETE 2 PARA EL INGLÉS ESTÁNDAR.





Helping Katie

Lose the desk.

THE GHOST OF WALTER. Katie Couric is getting lots of bad advice these days. Sure, the ratings news is bad:

It surely wasn't what CBS dreamed about when Katie Couric was hired: the "CBS Evening News" last week recorded its smallest audience since and probably many years before that.

It also didn't help that the average of 6.05 million viewers came at the beginning of the important May ratings "sweeps."

[ABC's] "World News" averaged 8.1 million viewers last week (5.7 rating, 12 share). NBC's "Nightly News" had 7.5 million viewers, its fourth- lowest figure since at least 1987 (5.3, 12), and CBS had a 4.3 rating and 9 share. The year 1987 is a benchmark because that's when Nielsen began using its "people meter" technology.

What's more concerning than the raw data is the lamebrain interpretation of the reason for Katie's failure by some female CBS news producer:

I'm just surprised at how, almost 30 years after I worked on the "Evening News" as the first woman producer, that Katie is having such a tough time being accepted by the public, which seems to prefer the news from white guys, and now that Charlie's doing so well, from older white guys. I guess they want the reassurance of a Walter Cronkite.

I had no idea that a woman delivering the news would be a handicap. And I'm afraid that Katie's paying a price for being the first woman.

If you want to understand the news preferences of "older white guys," don't ask a female news producer. The truth is, older white guys -- and guys of every age and color -- are not watching the MSM network news programs at all anymore. They've migrated elsewhere. If you add up the total audience for the alphabet network news shows, it comes in at less than 22 million souls. That's in a nation of 300 million people. Pitiful. Maybe older people are all you can hope to attract, but even if this is your preferred fading demographic, the current approach is doomed to failure. Katie needs to stop listening to the octogenarian dinosaurs that have ruled CBS since Cronkite went deaf and started preaching to the world from his own inner voices, which are every bit as stupid as you'd expect to hear from a stentorian teleprompter reader who spent 30 years believing his own press clippings.

The world doesn't want Cronkite. Even in his heyday he was an overpraised accident of new technology. Now he's just another ham who doesn't know that the best way to keep people from thinking you a fool is to shut up before you prove it in print.

So -- as a certifiable "older white guy" -- let me offer Katie some advice. We've been around for quite a long time, much longer than you. Regardless of how low an opinion of us you have, we're alert to the fact that you -- and clothes horse Peter Jennings, and not-a-clothes-horse Charles Gibson, and handsome Brian Williams (God bless his perfectly tanned heart) -- are JUST READING THE NEWS. On TV.

Heavens to Betsy, Katie. Do you think we missed all those years of you on the Today Show, where you did your best to extemporize about the hot topics of the day? Do you really think we missed the fact that you're a spoiled, infantile, half-educated celebrity narcissist who obsesses about "the kids" in a last-ditch attempt to preserve some vestige of femininity? (And we refuse to mention the colonoscopy...)

Sorry. We noticed. Even those of us who caught you only by inadvertent accident, in hotel rooms where the only morning choices were your program or Diane Sawyer's.

I know this is a particularly bitter pill, but a lot of us older guys are hanging out at the Fox News Channel, where there are two things to attract us. First, not every single scrap and scintilla of news is designed to depict the United States of America as the most evil nation on earth, presided over by the dumbest man who ever drew breath. Second, the enormous lot of bad news that constitutes all news programs is mitigated by the use of quite good looking women to READ THE NEWS with a smile and a suspenseful application of female anatomy.

For example, there's a woman named Laurie Dhue who, for years, delivered snippets of news that earned more attention than your giant anchor desk at CBS could ever garner. Why? Because she eschewed the damn desk.


Would a desk really improve this picture?

Then there's the question of openness. Fox News pioneered a new kind of female news personality, one that never tried to be a distaff version of Eric Severaid, but a warm and welcoming figure. First there was E.D. Donahay, who started as a morning news hostess (sound familiar?) and went on to other things.


She stormed onto the morning scene.

Once again, note the absence of a desk. She was replaced by another up-and-comer named Kieran Chetry, who quickly moved on to a big contract at CNN, for much the same reasons:


CNN wanted her. Bad. They just didn't know what to do with her. Typical.

She also had a way of reaching out to the audience that the CBS Evening News could learn from.


Has Katie ever looked this, uh, enthusiastic?

It begins to look as if CNN doesn't know to make use of Kieran's assets any better than CBS knows how to make use of Katie's, but Fox News soldiers on. The latest rising star is Gretchen Carlson, who has proven that she too knows what it means to be inviting.


She doesn't want to, really, but she has to. It's a woman thing.

Nor does she deprive her beleaguered audience of comfort.


Answer: Two.

Yeah, we know about the MSM snobbery. Maybe Katie and her producers can't bring themselves to learn from Fox News. Sad if it's true, but nevertheless a factor to be dealt with. In that case, learn from Diane Sawyer, who never needed a lesson of any kind from the most successful 24/7 cable news station in history. She always knew the advantages of dispensing with a leviathan desk.


See? No desk at ABC.


With obvious benefits.

And being an enlightened, secularist liberal, Diane has also far surpassed the very limited Fox News capability to offer succor to her fans.



All in all, it's not too late for Katie. Yeah, she's not the sexiest news broad on TV, but if the audience is older guys, the good news is they're not as obsessed with pure looks as the younger fellas. Attitude counts for a lot. It's just barely possible that they might forget the colonoscopy nightmare if Katie can soften up a bit and quit acting like so much of a full-time colon.

A little cleavage and some artfully presented pantyhose cover a multitude of sins. If you're interested in ratings. But so far the evidence suggests CBS isn't interested in ratings as much as excuses. Pity.




Monday, May 14, 2007


Scoop:

El Cristada declares Holy Crusade.

South Park creators Matt Stone & Trey Parker were the first to die.

RENAISSANCE. Apparently, Rosie O'Donnell was right. Fundamentalist Christians are just as dangerous as fundamentalist Islamists. (as Glenn Reynolds correctly speculated.)  They're just slower getting started. An Oklahoma oil billionaire named Orrin Bob Liddell has recently founded a revolutionary Christian sect in Baja California dedicated to the establishment of a theocratic government of the entire earth. OBL, as he prefers to be called, has declared a Holy Crusade against all the other religions of the world, including Islam, Judaism, Hinduism, Buddhism, Taorism, Shintoism, the Church of Scientology, Mormons, the Jehovah's Witnesses, and a wayward Christian denomination called 'al Cristada.'

The first order of business for OBL's new organization -- El Cristada -- is carrying out sentences of death on the most egregious heretics of the Christian faith. OBL has already let out contracts on Andres Serrano, the artist responsible for the 'Piss Christ'; Cosimo Cavallaro, the artist who sculpted 'My Sweet Lord' (the chocolate Jesus); Opie Bill Ledeen of al Cristada; and the developers of the Satanic TV show South Park, Matt Stone and Trey Parker.


The Crusaders are pretty much fed up with artists like these.

"These blasphemers will be the first to die," OBL announced in a press release simulcast on El Cristada Satellite TV, "but they won't be the last. It is time the infidels paid for their sins. God in his great majesty has seen fit to endow the most righteous of his flock with nuclear weaons, and these divine instruments of God will be employed to separate the wheat from the chaff, the believers from the unbelievers. The infidels of Araby will perish in sulphurous flame, as was foretold in the Book of Revelation, and the men, women, and children who participate in the destruction of heretic faiths will be rewarded in heaven with the blessed suffering of eternal stigmata exemplifying the transcendent suffering of our Lord,Jesus Chist. Yea, even the smallest children will be willing to sacrifice their earthly lives for the glory of an eternity spent bleeding from the hands, feet, and side, as did our beneficent savior."

Reportedly, the first victims of El Cristada's crusade were Matt Stone and Trey Parker, originators of what OBL terms the "incomprehensibly evil testament known as 'South Park.'" A video depicting the violent beheading of Stone and Parker was released to the Fox News Channel, which aired it in response to threats that failure to do so would result in the kidnapping and beheading of the Girls of Fox News, the nation's only source of breaking news fairly balanced between T & A. (Couric, take note.)

In a series of press kits and multimedia internet productions, El Cristada is also promising to inflict "the Lord's vengeance on the secular academic establishment, Jim Carrey, Marxist atheists in the artistic community, Godless millionaire sluts like Britney and Paris, Jimmy Carter, Richard Dawkins, Americans who belong to the Democrat Party or who have had abortions, Barbra Streisand and Sean Penn, Europeans who love government more than their divine savior, Asians in general, Rosie O'Donnell, the Taliban, al Qaeda, that Iranian Hitler Guy,  the Icelandic people (just because), the Dixie Chicks, and every non-Christian man, woman, and child who lives within two thousand miles of the Bible's Holy Land."

A spokesman for the Department of Homeland Security said, "Our concern about OBL and El Cristada is 'Elevated' bordering on 'High,' due to the fact that he possesses the money and the organization to develop and deliver nuclear weapons in about a week and a half. That's why we're monitoring the situation so closely. If we can establish for a fact that Orrin Liddell is not an illegal alien from Mexico, as has been alleged, we will proceed to take him into custody. Otherwise, we will be forced to briefly detain and then release him, as we do all potential allies of our party.

However, Senator Charles Schumer of New York downplayed the threat posed by El Cristada. "Everyone knows that Christians are total idiots," he said. "Being worried about terroristic attacks from El Cristada is about as stupid as taking al Qaeda seriously. Nobody really wants to kill innocent people but Republicans, and we can handle them."

So don't worry.




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