October 23, 2006 - October 16, 2006
Thursday, October 19, 2006
The right hand doesn't know what the
right hand is doing.
PRINCIPLE. On the
whole, we agree with Rush Limbaugh about the state of the Republican
Party with respect to the upcoming elections. You just can't get any
dumber than announcing
your own defeat before people even have the opportunity to vote. We
also agree that "premortems" such as the one penned by Glenn Reynolds earlier this week
are counter-productive and off-point, because when Republicans lose,
it's not the office holders who are the victims but the electorate.
Maybe Frist and Hastert deserve a shellacking, but those of us who care
about the United States don't deserve a naive and cowardly foreign
policy, higher taxes, and the torture of a vengeful Congress seeking to
impeach the President of the United States. Rush is right on about all
But now we'll say what Rush won't. Republican politicians are stupid. There's really no end
to just how damn dumb they are. When they have the majority, they
continue to act like losers, giving Dems the benefit of every doubt in
hopes that when the tables are turned, the Dems will treat them the
same way. Never gonna happen. Why? Because the Dems are smart. When you
have the power, use it ruthlessly and never stop trying to annihilate
the enemy. You'll never see Democrats conceding an election beforehand.
Let's face it. The executive and legislative branches of the United
States are presently being run by an Army of One who's a dead ringer
for Mortimer Snerd. Republican politicians inevitably fall into every
trap set for them by Democrats in the Congress and the mass media. They
over-react to nonsense like the Foley scandal, and they under-react to
opportunities like the Harry Reid scandal boring real
BUT... and this is a big BUT... that's precisely the reason Republicans
should be in control of the government. Yes, you heard me correctly.
Republicans should be in charge because they're stupid. Smart Republicans know better than
to work for the government. They start businesses, they do real work,
they prosper in privacy, and they don't seek the empty acclaim of the
mass media. It's just the opposite for the Democrats, who send their best and brightest to the
political front, where rhetoric and wit are valued above honest
achievement. Look at the Kennedys. Since Joseph Senior acquired his
fortune through bootlegging, what Kennedy has ever put in a day's labor
at anything real? It's no accident that the greatest Dem heroes are
silver spoon boys -- FDR, JFK, and, uh, JFK (Kerry's the punchline
here, for you dumb Republicans). Government by the dumbest is surely
what the framers had in mind, because Washington, Jefferson, Madison,
and Franklin were well aware that Britain had erred horribly by sending
its best and brightest to
Parliament. That's why they tried to make the Constituion idiot-proof.,
including a Bill of Rights that any well educated person would have
regarded as superfluous in the emotional aftermath of a successful
Have you ever obsserved the sheer delight Dems take in Bush's constant
verbal missteps? That's because they think the most essential component
of leadership is intellect. Let me repeat that. They think the most essential component of
leadership is intellect. It sounds plausible but it's dead
wrong. Does anyone here think that Wellington was smarter than
Napoleon? Well, if you do, you're wrong. Wellington was an idiot. The
only thing he knew was that Napoleon had to be dealt with. He didn't
know why exactly, he didn't know how for sure, but he knew that he
couldn't yield until the matter was handled. That's the level of
intelligence most political issues require. When you get leaders as
intellectual as Neville Chamberlain and Clement Atlee, it's time to find
the guy who graduated at the bottom of his class at Cambridge/West
Point/Yale, some predictable clown named Churchill/Eisenhower/Bush.
Successful business executives are almost never intellectuals. Of
course, the intellectuals who write about successful people aren't
happy about this and they have a habit of downplaying the importance of
stupidity in the realm of great accomplishment, but facts are facts.
Great specifiic talents are almost always conferred upon people who are
otherwise remarkably stupid. Picasso spoke to the public about his art
once. Then his publicist ordered him to shut up forever.
As with so many subjects, the great British idiot P.G. Wodehouse
provided the most insightful guidance about how we should appraise our
governance. In a story whose name I no longer remember, a corporate CEO
used a game of golf to determine who should be his company's chief
accountant. The protagonist, a likeable but stupid young man we were
all rooting for, seemed to scotch his chances by losing his temper and
hurling his club into the woods after a particularly bad shot.. He got
the job BECAUSE of this dumb move. The CEO explained that when he
trusts his money to someone else, the most important thing is to be
able to detect deception. The safest choice is the person who is too
stupid to succeed at decepttion.
So -- despite Schiavo, Miers, Rumsfeld, and Foley -- I give you the
Mortimer Snerd of political parties, the Republicans. Dumb enough to
run the free world.
The Headhouse Gang
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
We should listen to Gorbachev why???
THE GOLDEN SMILE.
Bill Clinton loves to break precedent. He was the first President from a trailer park Arkansas,
the first to have sex in the Oval Office and blame his political
enemies for the resulting scandal, the first ex-president to promote
his wife as a political successor, and the first ex-president to come
close to physically assaulting a journalist on TV. It's all okay, we
guess, because everybody still loves Bill, but it's also interesting to
examine the consequences of broken precedents.
Like that most recent one. It was Bill Clinton who reinjected himself
into the American political scene when he could have done all his
hundred-grand-a-pop speechifying and screwing out of the limelight. But
he missed the limelight. Which is why he decided, unlike George H. W.
Bush, that he should start criticizing the current administration on
the record, on camera, to the press. Then, when somebody dared to ask
questions about what he had or hadn't done about the most urgent issue
of our times, he took umbrage, almost physically, because ex-Presidents
-- i.e., elder statesmen -- are supposed to be immune from
interrogation about anything more serious than the state of their golf
handicap. So Bill came this close to decking Chris Wallace on Fox News
The message he sent to the press is that it's unacceptable to ask hard
questions of an elder statesman. So now we have elder statesmen coming
out of the woodwork to promote their own agendas, and the press is
giving them a total pass. For example, Jimmy Carter of all people is
now criticizing the Bush administration for -- don't you just love it?
-- its policies with regard to North Korea:
Former President Jimmy Carter said
Tuesday night that an agreement he brokered 12 years ago for North
Korea to halt nuclear weapons development is “in the wastebasket."
Carter contends the Bush administration turned its back on the deal and
labeled the isolated nation part of an “axis of evil.”
Missing from the article, which you can read here,
is any question to Carter about who it was who put the "deal" in the
wastebasket. Or about who gave the North Koreans nuclear technology in
exchange for transparently empty promises that the avowedly Stalinist
state wouldn't use the gift of nuclear technology to make weapons of
mass destruction. You see, that would be rude, because Carter is an
elder statesman and past the age of accountability. Jimmy should send a
basket of Florida oranges to the First Adulterer thanking him for his immunity.
And then there's Gorbachev. Remember him? He's on the record
today with this:
Former Soviet President Mikhail
Gorbachev compared the United States' proposed 700-mile wall on the
U.S.-Mexico border to the Berlin Wall during a Tuesday visit to Midland
Addressing a Tuesday news conference at UTPB's Center for Energy and
Economic Diversification, the JBS Public Leadership Institute
Distinguished Lecture Series speaker was by turns serious and flippant
prior to a reception with more than 100 people.
"You remember President Reagan standing in Berlin and saying, 'This
wall should be torn down,'" said the 1990 Nobel Peace Prize winner.
"Now the United States seems to be building almost the Wall of China
between itself and this other nation with which it has been associated
for many decades and has had cooperation and interaction with.
Come again? A wall to keep illegal aliens out of the United States is
the same as a wall built to keep prisoners of Soviet communism inside a continental gulag?! Geez. But there's no sign that
anyone in the press asked this question of Elder Statesman Gorbachev before he rode
home in his limousine. Gorby should send a gift to Bill, too.
I kind of liked the old rule: once a civilian, stay a civilian and the
press will only ask you about whether you had a bran muffin this
morning. I'm adamantly opposed to the new rule: once a civilian, mount any dais you can
find, launch your idiotic attacks at will, and the press will only ask
you about whether you had a bran muffin this morning.
I can't wait for the next installments. Saddam Hussein's perspective
about how to balance Kurdish nationalism with Shia jihadism. Idi Amin's wisdom about how to
end the genocide in Darfur. Kofi Annan's enlightened thoughts about how
to exterminate the Jews once and for all.
I don't reallly want to know whether Saddam had a bran muffin this
morning. But I would like to hear what ex-President George W. Bush
really thinks about the press in the free world. If the new rule applies to
him as well, maybe I'll send Bill a basket of fruit myself.
Monday, October 16, 2006
The Rapture is
The righteous will be speaking in
A LIGHT IN THE EAST.
Yes, the time is truly at hand. Come November 7, the forces of darkness
and evil will be overthrown, and a new day will dawn in the world. Then
the righteous will rise up in the House, and they will speak in the
sacred tongues of the enlightened, and their words will be like stones,
and the stones will break the bonds of the imprisoned ones whose only
crime was to desire our heads on pikes, and our women entombed in
shrouds, and our children enticed to suicide.
And the false words of the War on Terror and National Security and Axis
of Evil will melt away into silence, even as the tongues of the Great
Secular Caliphate of DC form new words, which will blaze like a burning
bush and consume the lives of the condemned, who will crumble to ash
great fiery pit, like unto an eternal congressional hearing, from which
can be no return.
And everywhere else in the world, the mouths of the righteous will fill
with song, and they will sing with great freedom of the joy of killing,
and beheading, and bombing, and ruling the infidel pigs, who will also
sing with them, in becoming harmony, of the abiding glory of a
constitution which protects all equally, from the most helpless and
indigent to the most powerful and murderous, unless they be of the
eternally condemned ones, the unspeakable Republicans, who shall
languish and expire in the pit.
And miracles will blossom across the face of the earth like gigantic
flowers, as all human problems fade away, and the enmities of centuries
will be swallowed up by negotiations, and the inconvenient atoms which
had begun to divide in hostility and war will be reunited by the
panaceas of bilateral talks and rhetorical compromises in the Security
Council, so that the blessed humanity of North Korea and Iran and
the Palestine will suddenly yield up all their intransigent
hatreds, and they will be as soothed and tender as is a troubled child
has been reassured. And, lo, all the killing will end in the land of
Eden, between the Tigris and Euphrates, as the evil war-making ones are
sent home in disgrace, and the blessed humanity of Mesopatamia is left
alone to sort things out for itself.
And there shall be inexorable commandments given down from on high,
which will quiet the turbulent oceans of evil radio waves, and the
false visions of the slyly satanic Fox, and the few loathsome voices of
dissent in the ivory towers of wisdom, and the wicked pen of the evil
sorceress who is the pale horse of the Apocalypse. And she shall be
cast down, utterly, and her tongue ripped out, and fed to the hyenas of
the New York Times Magazine section.
And great trumpets shall be blown from the sacred forests of holly in
and, yea, the beautiful ones will beam and bask and bray their
adoration, even as they fly toward the blessed east, whence cometh
And all of us will admire them, in all humility, on bended knee, with
faces covered as we bow down toward the sacred east, even unto Mecca,
as we wait for our own inevitable
punishment and ruin.
In short, it's gonna be great. Don't fight it. The show alone will be
worth the price of admission.
Don't know for how long it will be available, but InstaPunk has posted
its first video at YouTube. It should be self explanatory.
We're serious about what the Repubs
should be doing. If you think so, too, by all means tell somebody.