Instapun*** Archive Listing

Archive Listing
May 24, 2006 - May 17, 2006

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Lay Off The Speaker Guy.

Dennis What's-His-Name. You'd have heartburn too.

PSAYINGS.5Q.45. People are being very unkind to the Big Fella who sits on top of the House of Representatives. Sure, he defended William Jefferson's right not to have his congressional stash searched. Does that mean he should be treated like this (h/t InstaPundit)?

I’m now a former republican

Hastert tells President Bush FBI raid was unconstitutional

Just sent this to my congressman:

Please inform the Republican leadership that I’ve listened carefully to their comments about Mr. Jefferson and the searching of his office. I have thought about what they have said and decided to change my party affiliation. I no longer wish to be counted as a republican. The speaker has been a weak voice for cutting spending and for immigration reform but a loud voice when his own privilege is at stake.

I no longer know what this party stands for except apparently the self-protection of its own elected officials.

Sheesh. If you kept a full-size refrigerator in your suit, wouldn't you be just a little protective of your right to have a 12-course meal snack when you want one without the FBI crawling up inside your haberdashery? Sure you would. Even the thought of all those flatfoots rooting through your private comestibles would be enough to give you an upset tummy. (And it takes a BIG tummy to feel all of William Jefferson's pain about now.) As for all that "unconstitutional" talk, The Speaker has been way too hungry busy the past few years to do more than scan the dadblasted thing -- or failing that, have it scanned for him by a waiter staffer. Anyway, what he probably really meant to say was that searching congressional refrigerators is uncondimental. We agree.

Cut him some slack. If you want to know exactly how much slack he needs, you can contact his tailor here.

UPDATE. Not surprisingly, Michelle Malkin is linking to more abuse of What's-his-name. She's obviously way too thin to understand the sensitivity of the fridge issue.

Monday, May 22, 2006

Esoteric Poker.

The Dems have a full house.

PSAYINGS.5A.13. There are only a few hands that beat a full house. That's why the Democrats are so confident about their chances in the 2006 and 2008 elections. We have to agree. Gosh, it'd take royal flush or something like that to best the party that has no foreign policy and no domestic agenda but raising taxes. Wouldn't it?

Maybe they should use a different deck in November.

Friday, May 19, 2006

Thursday, May 18, 2006

The Absence of Being Earnest

Glenn Ford, Van Heflin, and Joel McCrea
MOTION PICTURES. We were talking movies — or trying to — and I began to wonder what my friend’s son would reflect on at a later time, tables turned, in a similar conversation with a person half his age. That’s when I realized something was missing.

I’m not an avid movie goer, but used to be. In the fifties and early sixties, Saturday afternoon was the time to box up the Fort Apache stockade, put away the plastic burp gun, and bike to the movies. “Shoot-em-ups” my mother called them. Westerns and war flicks. Occasionally, usually by accident, I’d see films with no combat at all.

I wasn’t lusting for bloodshed, I wanted to see heroes, learn what it takes to be a man. But the names and the faces I call up are barely known today, or so it seems.  They were genuine, solid, and, yes, earnest. They could win you over without histrionics or fake attitude.  All of them looked exactly like my father. Van Heflin in Shane. Joel McCrea in Ride the High Country. Glenn Ford in any movie that had him in uniform. Each would invariably leave me with the impression I’d encountered someone real, someone worthy to emulate. Someone who would stand and fight if he had to — and only for the right reasons. No phoniness. Just men.  Who remembers them now?

Not my young friend. One name, he says, sounds vaguely familiar. Then it’s his turn. He asks what I think about someone in some movie I think I’ve seen but can’t exactly place. I’ve caught several, I’m certain. Can almost recollect the special effects, which seem to be the real point. See in my mind’s eye a few smug expressions and maybe bring up a one-liner or two of bravado. I know these big movies feature big stars, because that’s the way it’s supposed to work. I just can’t recall their faces or their names. But the fact is, I just don’t care.

In the end we might have found one icon in common, the brightest star of all for me, William Holden. He remembers him, sort of. Something about a river and a bridge. Time rolls on.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

 Monsieurrr Colbairrrrr... Creeeep.


TV. Show biz is s-o-o-o cool. You get famous for making a fool of yourself on camera, and then the day comes when you get to do it in front of people who have actually achieved something.

That moment came for Stephen Colbert a few days ago. He responded as instant celebrities frequently do, by being rude and stupid.

In the course of his monologue, Colbert mockingly praised the media for its subservience to the administration: “Over the last five years you people were so good—over tax cuts, WMD intelligence, the effect of global warming. We Americans didn’t want to know, and you had the courtesy not to try to find out.” He further suggested the assembled journalists ought to “[w]rite that novel you’ve got kicking around in your head. You know, the one about the intrepid Washington reporter with the courage to stand up to the administration. You know—fiction!”

This performance is, of course, making Colbert a hero among the left-wing columnists and  bloggers. He should be worried. To be lionized by Democrats is the kiss of death for a comedian. It's the sign that you've been adopted by the group that has the least sense of humor in the country. To retain their allegiance, you can't make fun of anyone BUT Republicans -- no more jokes about blacks, women, Hispanics, seniors, blind folk, or dwarves. No smoking on stage.

Sad thing is, Republicans aren't nearly as funny as blacks, women, Hispanics, seniors, blind folk, or dwarves. And unfortunately, we're the biggest audience there is. We love to laugh at blacks, women, Hispanics, seniors, blind folk, dwarves, and ourselves. Problem is, we have to like the guy telling the jokes. And what we really don't like is a cheap-shot artist who takes advantage of situations -- say, an audience containing a president who can't punch a comedian in the mouth, no matter how much he deserves it.-- in which he can get away with substandard material because it pleases the most humorless people in attendance.

Guess what. We don't like Stephen Colbert. He's a one-joke clown. "Hey, I'm Bill O'Reilley, only instead, I'm this really cool guy who's almost as well educated as Bill O'Reilley, which gives me the right to ridicule him on a daily series."

Uh, sure. Yeah, he attended some classes at Northwestern. Big whoop. (Everyone at Instapunk went to Harvard.) He has a TV show. Cool. But that doesn't give him the right to describe all the President's appearances in times of national crisis as photo ops. That's what such moments are for show biz folk. It's not what they are for the President of the United States. To declaim that they are, with the President in attendance, is to reveal yourself as a mite callow. Hardly the stuff of Voltaire. More like Andrew Dice Clay. As funny as farting at a white tie ball.

[For extra credit, Monsieur Colbert: Voltaire's name was an anagram of his real name. What was the name, Northwestern boy?]

The 8th Punk Commandment: A dork is a dork, no matter how you dress him up

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