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May 20, 2005 - May 13, 2005

Friday, May 20, 2005


Strength Born of Strength is Too Frightening to Others
From today's Telegraph -- How Strange to Find Christians Who Practise What They Preach. Read the whole thing.





Video Alert -- Psay.5O.3
Michelle Malkin is hosting The O'Reilly Factor on Fox News tonight at 8:00 p.m. EDT. We'll tune in for the first time in nearly a year -- well, maybe three months (although we're pretty sure that was just from the radio).

The Malkin Factor? -- could happen.




Thursday, May 19, 2005


About the F-Word

Senator Everett Dirksen

THE RIGHT THING. I've stayed away and stayed away from this subject, well aware that the mere mention of the word is enough to propel otherwise hyperactive minds into a coma. Even Ann Coulter was moved, after typing the ten most soporific letters in the American political lexicon, to implement the writer's "nuclear option" of an all-caps plea: "DON'T STOP READING! I AM NOT GOING TO DISCUSS THE HISTORY OF THE F****U**ER!"

But the U.S. Senate is staggering ever closer to a showdown between spineless Republicans and ruthless Democrats on the question of whether Senate rules should allow the use of f****u**ers in the 'advise and consent' process for judicial nominees. Because of this, InstaPunk has felt the call of his political conscience: he must, somehow, weigh in on a matter that is as crucial as it is potentially fatal to reader interest.

So here are my thoughts. WAKE UP! (Not trying to be rude, just to postpone the inevitable...) The Republicans act as if what they do now will affect what Democrats do when they regain the White House and/or control of the Congress. It won't. As soon as the Democrats regain the presidency and congressional control, they will do everything they can think of, bar nothing, to humiliate, castrate, and otherwise destroy the Republican minority, regardless of any temporizing the Republicans engage in now. Why? Because while the congressional Republicans were majoring in agriculture and religion at cow colleges in the Red states, the congressional Democrats were studying "The Prince" at Yale and Harvard. Democrats know about the uses of power even if they have no ideas at all about how to serve their constituents. Does this mean that Republicans must exercise the so-called "Nuclear Option"? No.

There's no need whatever to overturn 214 years of Senate tradition. If Senator Bill Frist had a backbone, a brain, and a single ounce of personality in addition to his hundredweight of Christian virtue, he could defeat the Democrats on this tedious rules debate with just three simple measures.

First, he could remind the American people and the press that the f****u**er may be a longstanding American tradition, but it has not always been used for the best possible purposes. In fact, it was a Republican senator who played the key role in defeating the most important and nefarious f****u**er in our history (N.B., Senator Robert Byrd, K.K.K. emeritus). InstaPunk readers can get the whole story here, and it is worth reading all of it, but in this entry the denouement will suffice:

The gallery was packed on June 10, 1964, as all one hundred senators were present for the climactic moment of the longest f****u**er in Senate history. Late in the morning Everett Dirksen rose from his seat to address the Senate. In poor health, drained from working fourteen-, fifteen-, and sixteen-hour days, his words came quietly. "There are many reasons why cloture should be invoked and a good civil rights measure enacted. It is said that on the night he died, Victor Hugo wrote in his diary substantially this sentiment, 'Stronger than all the armies is an idea whose time has come.' The time has come for equality of opportunity in sharing of government, in education, and in employment. It must not be stayed or denied." After Dirksen spoke for fifteen minutes the motion for a roll call vote for cloture was heard. As each name was read, members of the press and spectators in the gallery kept tally. At 11:15 a.m., Senator John Williams of Delaware replied "aye" to the question. It was the sixty-seventh vote; cloture had passed, opening the way for the Civil Rights bill to be passed. After successfully defeating the eighty-three-day f****u**er, Dirksen, when asked how he had become a crusader in this cause, replied, "I am involved in mankind, and whatever the skin, we are all included in mankind."

It's important to note, too, that Senator Dirksen defeated a f****u**er back in the days when a f****u**er was a genuine test of resolve, fortitude and physical stamina. Those who opposed the Civil Rights Act had to be prepared to speak for hours, even days, to forestall cloture, and they kept the debate open by reading aloud from the Congressional Record, the Bible, the telephone book, and anything else made of words that went on practically forever.

That's the second measure Frist could take: Restore the requirement that f****u**ers be real, that if the Slime Party has enough votes to keep the debate going, then they must actually keep the debate going, for hours, days, weeks, months... It's really not supposed to be easy for the minority to prevail, even in a republic. They have to earn it by working harder, talking longer, and staying awake on the floor of the U.S. Senate(!). The current situation, in which the mere threat of a f****u**er forestalls a cloture vote (i.e., a vote to end debate and vote on the nominee), is ridiculous. It's like watching a heavyweight title fight in which a boxer can play a card labeled "Knockout Punch" without actually having to deliver the blow or a tennis match in which a player throws down an "Ace" card whenever he gets behind on his serve. It's time to stop the nonsense. That's the American Way.

But, of course, we live in an age of short attention spans. Watching Robert Byrd read the Book of Leviticus out loud for a day and a half isn't something the Me Generation has much stomach for. That's why Senator Frist can achieve checkmate by the simple expedient of introducing one new rule rather than repealing one very old rule. Here's the wording of the new rule:

All senators who speak on the floor of the U.S. Senate Chamber will do so while walking on a motorized treadmill operating at not less than three miles per hour.

The measure will pass by a simple majority. The average age of Democrat senators is 61. The average age of Republican senators is 55. If polls are taken, a majority of sporting Americans will be anxious to watch the treadmill performance of Democrat titans like Robert Byrd, Teddy Kennedy, John Kerry, Joe Biden, and Hillary Clinton. It's even possible that the conduct of business in the Senate will become a media attraction. C-Span's ratings could skyrocket. But one thing is for sure. F****u**ers are not going to last as long as they used to, and We the People will learn very speedily who is as tough as his rhetoric and who is as weak as his character.

Speaking of weak characters, I can't wait to see Harry Reid in action. On his treadmill. It seems fitting somehow.



Yeah, I know it's a pipedream. As I said, Frist would need a backbone, a brain, and a single ounce of personality. Oh well. At least I kept you out of a coma, didn't I?




Wednesday, May 18, 2005


Ungrateful Followers -- Part II -- Readers Write
The comment sections seem to be policing themselves quite nicely. Don't miss out on all the fun. Remember we put up special pages for the Buchanan and Keillor posts for your convenience. Take a look and be sure you've seen the latest comments.

It is sad to see someone use the phrase, "whatever," in support of their position.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And, just for fun, we ran the above post through the eight to twelve year old AOLer Translator (HT - My Vast Right Wing Conspiracy). The following is the result of the translator's processor:

UNGRAETFUL FOLOWERS - PART I - R3AEDRS

TEH COMANT SECTIONS SEM 2 B POLICNG THEMS3LVES QUIET NIECLY111!!11 WTF DONT MIS OUT ON AL DA FUN!!111 WTF RAM3MBR W3 PUT UP SP3CIAL PAEGS FOR DA BUCHANAN AND K3ILOR POSTS FOR UR CONVENEINCE11!11!! OMG TAEK A LOK AND B SURA U SEN DA LAETST COM3NTS

IT11111 OMG IS SAD 2 SE SOM3ON3 USE TEH PHRAES WUT IN SUPORT OF THERE POSITION11!!1!!1 LOL

Which seems related, somehow.





Bird(brain)'s Eye View


PSAYINGS.5A.40. Could somebody please help me out here? I'm trying hard to understand what happened last week over Washington, DC. Two guys jump into a plane in Smoketown, PA, start flying to North Carolina, and land a few hours later in headlines all over the world. How did it happen? The Washington Post says:

Two lost aviators flying with outdated maps from a rural Pennsylvania airstrip triggered a red alert at the White House yesterday, along with the frantic evacuation of the Capitol and the Supreme Court, before they were intercepted by Air Force jets lobbing warning flares.

The 15-minute aerial encounter, watched by rapt workers in downtown Washington office buildings, turned out to be a blunder by confused fliers in a small plane, but it illustrated how easily potential danger can trip the capital's tightly wired alert systems.

Outdated maps. I see. Those would be flight maps dating back to the 18th century, I guess, before there was a Washington, DC. But never mind that for the time being. In the days since, we have seen additional headlines: "Intruding pilots released without charges" (CNN.com) and most recently, "Lasers to warn pilots away from D.C." (Chicago-Sun Times). The latter story tells us:

From 1,500 feet above Washington on a hazy Tuesday, you didn't have to look hard to notice a red-and-green flashing light among the clutter of rooftops, the Washington Monument and the Capitol.

That's the idea: When pilots see the light, it means they've flown into restricted airspace. They are to fly away from the light -- fast -- and contact air traffic control.

Am I the only one whose head is moving slowly side to side, side to side, side to side in astounded disbelief? Let's review. Here's the journey our flyboys had in mind:



Let's see. Somewhere in between Smoketown and North Carolina, there definitely is a patch of geography, a city if you will,  where the President lives and the U.S. Congress has meetings at the Capitol. What else do we know about that city? Oh, yes. It's where a plane flew deliberately into the Pentagon a few years ago, never mind the exact date.



Now what mode of transportation are our travellers -- Jim Sheaffer and Troy Martin -- employing for their journey? That's right, an airplane. One of these, in fact:



Note the tremendous altitude at which the Cessna 150 flies. Then take a look at the photo at the beginning of this entry. (You can see a grander view here.) This is where I'm really looking for some help. Confronted by this particular view while flying from Pennsylvania to North Carolina, how could any member of the species homo sapiens sapiens possessed of a U.S. pilot's license be so "lost" as to fail to recognize Washington, DC? And how he could be so obtuse and ignorant as to overlook the possibility that he was flying into the most forbidden air space on the planet?

Lost? LOST? LOST? Give me a break.

And perhaps worst of all, how do our national protectors propose to prevent this kind of slapstick behavior in future? By arranging lasers(!) around the boundaries of our capital city! I submit that a pilot who is flying down the eastern seaboard without the slightest idea that he might encounter Washington, DC, is also likely to interpret red and green lasers as a light show being put on for his amusement -- "let's go in for a closer look, Troy, waddya say?" Wouldn't it be more useful to erect giant neon signs that flash the words "Get the hell out of here, you idiot" in every color of the rainbow?

On the other hand, who are they spending all this money to save here? This is what happens to a Cessna 150 that mixes it up with a good-sized building:



I believe it would be a considerably cheaper solution for Cessna to put a warning label on its 150 models, sort of like what we can read on cigarette packages:




Forget about the lasers. And forget about the small-plane pilots who are so damn dumb they can't recognize the Washington Monument from a couple miles away. They deserve what they get. Don't they?
 




Tuesday, May 17, 2005


You heard it here first.

One of these magazines is going to be in the news again soon.

DECISIONS, DECISIONS. I don't know why, but I've always had a hard time telling these two magazines apart. Even back in 2000, when they were still sort of in the news business, I tended to get them confused. That's why the Year 2000 Who's Who in Shuteye Nation didn't do the best possible job of identifying their star performers, as the following excerpt demonstrates:

Jonathan Auger. See Howard Findmore.

Howard Findmore. See Michael Iznotizhe.

Michael Iznotizhe. The hotshot political° journalist° in spectacles who dug through every White House trashcan looking for salacious details of the Lewiski Scandal° while soberly reporting the Hillery charge of a right wing conspiracy°, the Carvall charge of a runaway independent counsel° indulging his private° sexual fantasies at public expense, and the Divots/Boogaloo charge of a partisan° Republian° “coup” designed to repeal the vote of the Amerian people. And acting faintly superior to the whole circus at the same time. Cool°.

Thay's why I can't tell for sure if these guys are still on the job. I really hope they are, though, because I've got a great story they can use, and so I sent emails to all three of them last night:

Dear Jonathan or Howard or Michael,

Yesterday, my cleaning lady (who has never stolen from me once) told me that her brother is the gardener for the man who hired the guy who delivers booze, snacks, and miscellaneous packages to the secret location where Dick Cheney hangs out waiting for his turn in the Oval Office. Last week, the gardener told my cleaning lady's brother that he overheard the driver tell his boss that once a week Cheney gets a fresh prisoner delivered to him from Guantanamo (disguised as one of the regular boxes of cash from Halliburton) so that the Veep can while away the hours humiliating him. Sometimes he makes the prisoner dress up in women's lingerie. Other times, he forces him to play solitaire and makes fun of how he shuffles the cards, you know, getting off all kinds of cutting remarks and such. And once he invited George Bush over for dinner, and the two of them took turns giving him wedgies and shaking his hand with some kind of buzzer thing. Then they hit him on the behind with fraternity paddles that said "I hate Osama" on them.

How soon do you think you can get this story into print? My cleaning lady's brother is willing to remember everything the gardener told him on tape, as well as anything else that would make it a hotter story. He even thinks he could remember something about Lynn Cheney and Laura Bush. Please answer me back because otherwise I'll have to go to 60 Minutes II before they get cancelled and see if Dan Rather is interested. And you know what that means.

Sincerely yours,
Anonymous

P.S. I even worked up covers for your magazines, which you can use if you pay me a small honorarium -- not for the story, of course, but for the artwork. Let me know.



I don't know about you guys, but I can't wait to see the story in print. Dick and George are really going to squirm this time, and maybe Michael and Howard and Jonathan will get another Pulitzer Prize. Or if not a Pulitzer, maybe a big wet kiss from Al Jazeera. That would please them no end, wouldn't it?

I thought so too.

UPDATE:  Thanks again to Glenn -- welcome to InstaPundit visitors. Feel free to take a look around.

UPDATE II:  Many thanks to Hugh Hewitt for noticing -- welcome to HughHewitt.com visitors. We would like you to take a look around -- we're pretty sure most of you have never been here before.

UPDATE III:  We're suckers for being called "smart, funny, and clever," which we were by the folks at Stand in the Trenches. Stand in the Trenches visitors are also encouraged to take a look around this place.




Monday, May 16, 2005


Ungrateful Followers -- Readers Write
You may or may not have noticed InstaPunk created quite a stir with his recent post regarding Pat Buchanan and his article, Was World War II worth it?.

We wanted to call your attention to the comments that were posted so we created a special page where you can see them in their entirety in the order we received them.

We just have to say something.

We like Pat Buchanan (though InstaPunk himself does not). Some of us voted for him many years ago. Many of us didn't vote for Bob Dole because of the way he treated Pat and his supporters in 1992.

But, man, let's make something really clear -- Pat Buchanan doesn't need help like the help he is getting from this comment section. First of all -- the picture is funny. Why? Because it isn't a real picture. If it were a real picture, then it would just be disturbing or worth even more money than we get paid to look at the current culture and publish our thoughts - if that were possible. As it is, it's just funny.

Secondly, neo-Nazis have to know that their support is not going to help whatever it is they are in favor of -- didn't they recently air a South Park episode that had the Ku-Klux-Klan members realizing that if they wanted to keep the South Park flag the way it was, the most logical thing to do was support its revision? That way, the people of South Park would vote to keep the flag the way it was, in opposition to the KKK. Neo-Nazis might think about a similar approach. Support Earth Day or something.

And, finally, if you're going to call InstaPunk 'stoopid,' or 'unsofisticated,' why not grab that old dusty dictionary and look up one or two of the really hard words in your post. Then, if you're not horribly busy, you could grab a little grammar primer -- just for review.

For Mr. Buchanan -- Aakash does his level best to demonstrate that you are not completely out of your mind, but why force people to do it? WWII is over. We, in fact, won. Stalin and Hitler have both been defeated. If there were people helping the USSR inside the U.S. Government, they didn't help enough. So, what's the point? Let people in 2205 perform the analysis -- we haven't quite buried all the veterans of WWII yet, so you'll just have to look elsewhere for a case study . . . in? We're not sure.

UPDATE: Instalanche blasting away -- many thanks to Prof. Reynolds -- welcome to InstaPundit visitors. Feel free to take a look around. And if you would like to see what started all this -- look here.

UPDATE II:
Okay. Okay. We get it. Everybody's not a Nazi that's been writing comments the past few days. We had to put up another special page so you can see all the fun going on over at the Garrison Keillor post's comment section.

Tom Ames has taken the time to post his comments, which we appreciate and do not take lightly. Others have written similar email to our feedback email address -- Punk@InstaPunk.com. So our remarks are meant to be instructive to a wider audience than Tom Ames, but he has made his remarks public, so must we.

First off, Tom confuses a debate tactic with a debate result. So, his mocking of the fact that InstaPunk would crush him in a debate as a sophisticated tactic is a definite disadvantage to him. We would caution Tom that when it comes to debating -- InstaPunk is the champ. He will take apart your argument bit by bit until you're either laughing or crying -- your choice. The other item in this regard is that it is incredibly interesting to watch, so by all means let it begin. We would suggest the Forum. You'll need a login, but it is FREE and everyone can join right in.

Secondly, and InstaPunk makes the point in his responses, we aren't annoyed by disagreement. We've been looking for it on the internet for over one-year. What does annoy us is being lumped in with Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, or any other easy categories that jump into the head of one of our readers. Our archives are available here and any reasonable person could quickly realize that categorizing our viewpoints is a difficult task for anyone. We've known InstaPunk for years and we walk very carefully when trying to get him into one of our preconceived notions. Although it may help readers to place a particular post in one of their over-sized pre-fab bins, it really isn't honest or fair. Take a look around here and refine your criticism a bit. What, specifically, is bugging you? That might be an interesting conversation.

Thirdly, interact with the text. Simply making a generalized statement that is directly addressed in the post wastes a tremendous amount of time. For example, InstaPunk made a very specific reference to vicious comments made by liberals -- HERE. He further qualified the citation with the words "the most consistently vicious, ad-hominem bile on the Internet," and then directed readers to the websites where this kind of stuff is found in abundance. Now, Tom cites townhall.com and freerepublic in rebuttal, but what is he talking about? No examples? No links? It is hard to know. We've been to townhall.com and freerepublic and don't remember reading anything about trailer hitches or brothel's catering to Islamic terrorists. InstaPunk's posts are structured to deal with the typical objections directly, so if you're going to object, at least make sure that your objection isn't addressed within the body of the post.

And, finally, about the spelling. It isn't that we are expert spellers -- we've been called on our share of spelling errors -- but, when an error is pointed out, it is just good form to make a correction. Our use of common spellings demonstrates that we are all part of a community and although we may differ on the way the words are arranged, at least we agree on the form of the words themselves. It is all that most people who read your stuff will ever know about your education and thoughtfulness put into your comments.

Thanks for all the responses. We don't cut out posts because they are not complimentary. We debate whether to edit out particularly nasty words, but so far we've resisted. Keep the comments coming, but don't expect it to go unnoticed when you're not making sense.




Sunday, May 15, 2005


Choice -- Want One? -- Abortion Puts Next Baby At Risk
  Of Course the Current Baby Would Take the Next Baby's Deal in a Heart Beat -- if he only had one.
There is nothing like an informed choice and when it comes to being informed, there is nothing better than a French study. And, there is no better place to read about a French study than at news.Telegraph of the U.K., in English. We feel so Continental.

Anyway, Doc Caroline Moreau studied nearly 3,000 births and determined that the next live birth for a woman who has had an abortion is 1.7 times more likely to be born premature. Of course, being born premature beats being surgically and/or mechanically evacuated from dear old mom everyday of the week.





Harry -- Having So Much Fun in Church
We're not around here much on the weekends, but we are this weekend and it is Pentecost and it is Sunday so we thought we'd take a lazy look at the upcoming (5/23) issue of Business Week magazine where the cover story is about, of all things, church. Not only church, but "Unchurched Harry."

Business Week? Church? What gives?

Well, from what we can gather from the story, Earthly Empires, How evangelical churches are borrowing from the business playbook, there is a lot of business going onIt ain't Free, but it sure is cheap! at church these days -- especially the churches highlighted in the article.

For example, the young fella to the right has sold over 2.5 million copies of his book, Your Best Life Now (as opposed to . . . when?). His name is Rev. Joel Osteen and every Sunday, 30,000 people go down to his Lakewood Church to hear him preach. And -- we'd never have believed it if we hadn't driven by the construction site and seen it with our own eyes -- he is converting the former home of the Houston Rockets, the Compaq Center, into a huge church in downtown Houston, TX where he hopes to be a blessing to 100,000 people a week. And, it is only going to cost $90,000,000 -- cheap at twice the price. Don't worry, he's got it.

Rev. Osteen, we learned from his website, had to add a second night to his speaking gig in Philadelphia, PA due to the "tremendous response" -- from Philadelphians? "Now you can attend An Evening with Joel Osteen on Thursday, June 30th or Friday, July 1st." You know, if you're not doing anything. Heck, it's only ten dollars, but you can only buy six tickets at a time so plan accordingly.




Friday, May 13, 2005


Anniversaries
We would be remiss if we did not highlight for our readers this particular anniversary -- May 13, 1985. Today marks the 20th anniversary of the bombing of Move Headquarters on Osage Avenue in Philadelphia, PA which resulted in the destruction of 61 homes in a middle-class neighborhood. The city's first black mayor had dropped a bomb on a black neighborhood and the City of Philadelphia is still dealing with the fallout.

 
 
 We also need to mention that this particular spectacle is thought, by many, to have been a diversion from an even more spectacular Federal operation taking place just thirty blocks to the east -- on South Street.





instapunk051305A

Greyhound Picnic

Ricky needs a home.

RESCUE UPDATE. This Sunday, May 15, Greyhound Friends of NJ is holding its annual spring picnic in Bridgewater, New Jersey, from 11 am to 3 pm. You can get all the details here, including directions. There will be hundreds of greyhounds in attendance, and the first lot of the Plainfield greys available for adoption will be there too. If you live anywhere near Bridgewater, plan on going to this event.  It's a wonderful way to learn about the unique charms of greyhounds (you will NOT  hear lots of barking), and you won't be pressured to do anything but have a good time.







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